nattalie: (Default)
Before yesterday I stretched my body and now my legs hurt like I did gym. I tried to work on the newsletter for my job but I felt tired so I went to bed early at 10.30 pm. I studied C++ until midnight then I felt asleep. My sleeping is getting worse. Last night I woke up every 1 or 2 hours.It sucks.

After a day without talk to me, this morning Michael woke me up again. He said that he is trying hard not to bother me but to be honest I have no fucking idea what he is trying to do and right now I don't want to know. I asked again to him to let me go since he can't fix his life. 

Plan for today is continue working on the newsletter at work then go home, clean it, try to do exercises, study and work on my projects. But I'm not sure how much I can do feeling so tired. I am trying a new pill, it has hyaluronic acid, collagen, coenzyme Q10, vitamin A and vitamin E.
nattalie: (Default)
Last night I felt asleep before midnight and I slept good until 2.30 am. then I woke up After it I tried to sleep and I woke up many times before leave the bed.
When I was getting ready for work my cellphone started to ring, It was Michael sending whatsapp messages.
I asked to him what's going on and he replied he was waking me up. I said "I was blocked, was not"? and he sayd " Yes I think idk" then we didn't talk again the rest of the day. I didn't get mad for he didn't keep me blocked because he is not talking to me and because so far I can control myself to not message him.

Work was quiet. The administrative manager came to my office to give me my payroll receipt. I asked to him what I am earning right now because this is not clear to me. Last month they did a mistake and they fixed it this month, so they paid me like $ 120 more. I thought next mont I will go back to my normal salary but the guy told me I will earn the same. This is not great but it's welcome for sure.
He asked me if I'm happy with my salary and we spoke about our salaries, company situation, etc. It was weird, in 5 years I work there we never spoke about money. No one is happy with the salary but I feel he is waiting someone else say something about it to my boss.

I sold 2 more products last night and I delivered it today 

Spring starts today and obviously it's raining and cold, like every September 21th. My babies cactus are in bloom. There some pics I took yesterday

nattalie: (Default)
 This country is stupid as fuck! so the ex associate seller which was our partner has a chance to win de suit because we don't have laws to protect a company against it, and they can say he signed the contract forced under threat of losing his jobs... WTF
this joke can cost to the company almost 500.000 usd so our job are in risk because that empty legal shit... I'm pissed, angry, and fucking damned. And I bet the other associate seller who resigned his contract this month will do the same shit. This is why companies don't want invert their money in this retard country, I hate people from here, I hate them all!!!!
nattalie: (Default)
 I don't know if this can be allergy or what is wrong but my face is deformed. My eyelids are swollen and now my cheeks too. I'm using dexametasona ointment but it is not working out today.  I never had an allergy like this. 
nattalie: (Default)
 I keep waking up between 3.30 to 4.30 a.m. and of course, feeling tired and lack of energy all day long. This is the third week that I can't do workout and barely I can study a lesson time to time. In this way all my goals are delayed.
To make things worse, it's September and just 3 days left to spring, which means... allergy! Today I woke up with swollen eyes and they itch so much. The skin on my chest is red and hurts but it  could be stress because it looks more like urticaria than allergy.

Anyway I'm trying to be positive, or at least to feel less depressed. Really piss me off to waste my time feeling bad so long. Yesterday I did my hair and my nails even I didn't feel like doing that but I think it helps to feel less miserable. I wanted to do workout today but really I have no energy at all, so I'm using the stationary bike while I write this. My day at work was quiet so I did some exercises of the programming course. Now I can make a program to calculate the area of a triangle so I am one step closer to work on Silicon Valley  

News about my stupid job: an ex associate seller who left us last month (who stole money with ex sales manager)  sent a telegram today threatening to start a lawsuit to my boss, saying that he was employee since 2011 working for a real salary of... 26.000 usd monthly!!! WTF, he didn't get that money even stealing us.
I really can't understand why my country is full of fucking monkeys like this. We have all the contracts he signed every year like our partner so it seems easy to us to prove that he was not employee but just a partner. He also sent us an invoice every month for his commisions so I'm pretty sure there is no way for him to makes a judge believe that he was not a partner and I think he fucked it up saying he earned too much money... noone will believe that. Of course my boss needs spend time and money in a law to answer to him and to defend her company. I got sick when I read the telegram today, I feel I won't ever have an healthy work.

I'll try to study a little more then sleep.
nattalie: (Default)
 Sometimes you just need a break, a long long pause that lasts forever
nattalie: (Default)
Good and bad news last days.

The bad news: my coworker is quiting at the end of the year and this situation make me more stressed. But it seems like a good chance to I ask for pay rise... what you think about this guys? should I try?

Another bad, I still feel bad, sad, depressed and cervical is messing my body. The good part is my boss wanted to give me day off today. I didn't accept because my coworker had to go away to do a service then my boss said maybe I can take the next Saturday. Seems she is trying to take care of me. 

A good news: my ecommerce business is working fine. I sold 3 products yesterday and I got many questions from people who want to buy things. Maybe I should take this seriously but for now, it's a secondary job.
nattalie: (Default)
 I slept 5 hours, that really helped. Head just hurts when I stand up. Fingers from right hand hurts but my neck feels better. I would like doing something useful with my day, I have eveything delayed: work, courses, workout, projects... but I feel like doing nothing.
nattalie: (Default)
 I took day off today, I shouldn't because I have so much to do at work and there is noone to replace me, but I don't care. I woke up with a strong headache which made me throw up, I hate it... it's been 20 years since last time I threw up. Head, neck and eyes hurt. I guess all this shit is because bruxism and cervical, which means : stress.
I tried to work from home but I felt nauseas so I came back to the bed and tried to sleep. In the first hour of the morning I got 7 phone calls about work 
Since I can't sleep again I got up to see if this helps to relieve the pain. Every step I take is a stitch in the head. I tried for second time to have breakfast. Let's see if I don't throw it. 
If I can't rest I will be pissed because they will cut my salary for nothing then.
nattalie: (Default)
 Anxiety is back in my life so I'll write to see if this helps. This means that maybe I'll spam my journal and also that my English will be worse. Sorry for that.

This is a hard week, shitty week, and I'm pissed as hell with myself because I still love that mother fucker and because I'm tired of unfair situations.
And this week, when I have broken up with Michael, when my PMS makes me more stressed, when I feel I want to kill someone, the new sales manager came to our offices.
I was the first person he wanted to meet but he had to wait, I was busy... busy as fuck because I'm doing all the work from sales department alone, without any help while everybody around were asking me for help or giving me more tasks. 

We had our meeting yesterday and today. And I started the meeting asking to him how they will organize my department. He told me I'll be alone for some weeks until they hire new sellers, and he told me he won't help me with any task for now. Oh! thank you so much son of bitch! 
After they hire sellers they will hire someone to work with me doing the quotes then I can take care of other things that I know better than anyone at work. He said it will takes 1 month... I am not so optimist so I am giving them until the end of the year to fix this situation. 

And after this I told him "I have a very critical point of view and I will be honest with you about how I see this company right now"
I felt the needs to do a little of justice in this unfair world, and talked to him about the real situation of the company and people who is "working" there.
I told him everything, without any regret, because I don't talk about gossip, I talk about people attitudes that are making us lose customers and sales. I also told him what things demotivate me about my work and boss.
He told me he understand how I feel because he has the same point of view and this week there he could see many things (like fatass wasting time without do his work), and also told me that he will tries to do his best to clean this up but my boss has always the last decision on everything. This mean she wont fire the 2 last thiefs we have working with us because she is waiting they leave soon.

I asked to him if she has a plan, an idea or something, he said she has but for the medium term, and in that plan there is just me and maybe the administrative manager.  Can this be true ???? we will see.
So far I just know that I have overwork for the next months. I just hope that getting fucked one more time worths. Because im tired to get fucked up for free
nattalie: (Default)
I feel better. My neck and back hurt less than on Friday.
Yesterday I went to work and I asked to my boss for buying a new chair, she says I can go on Monday and choose one. We talk a little about how her trip was and about some changes she did trying to minimize a the damage that the fucker sellers are doing there. To be honest, I don't care right now what she will do to fix this. 

After work I came back home and Cleaned the house. Then I worked 3 hours on website, I ate a salad and I watch few episodes of Shooter on Netflix, then I fell asleep. I used a collar to rest my neck during the day, it helped.
Today I woke up at 1 p.m. and I finished my 3th course. It was about web programming  Probably I will start a C++ course next.  I had a shower and now I'm doing my beauty routine. 


Sep. 1st, 2017 09:43 pm
nattalie: (Default)
Who can barely walk or move today because her body is falling apart from stress?
nattalie: (Default)
 Yesterday I finally get done the document I was doing for the bidding. This has 30 pages!!! of course the days I worked on it everybody need something of me. I made them all wait until today, even my boss, but she is very satisfied with my work, she didn't know it was so hard.
I am satisfied too, but not happy because I feel nothing I can do at work will do any difference.

Sales manager is so lost and my boss is not yet able to plan or anticipate things. My coworkers spend most of the day watching videos, talking, eating or fucking around instead do their job, 2 associate sellers are still stealing sales and they also desappear the whole week to avoid to face my boss who traveled to their province to talk with them, and I feel more like looking for a new job instead waste more time there.

I am very pissed, people from my country is so mediocre and lazy. One of my coworkers who works in the company since 10 years ago, the man who sleeps at work and is always outside smoking or in other office talking with people, we can't make him do his job. All the tasks we give to him he doesn't do, he forget it for weeks then when someone claims he gets mad. This man doesn't do his job because is speculating if he gets fired my boss has to pay to him so much money, even he told me his intention to take legal actions. To be honest he is a cancer in the company and everybody is agree about this. Excellence does not exist here...

So Yesterday after work I was so stressed that I fell asleep. When I woke up at 9 p.m. I couldn't get up. My legs and arms were numb. The hernia from my back and my cervical hurt as hell although I am not doing workout this week. This took me 1 hour to can stand up. Today it was another long day at work because I had to do all the tasks I didn't do the last 3 days. And I didn't finish yet. 

I'm a little delayed with my courses but still doing it. I started to read a book about Javascript and jQuery, it looks cool.
nattalie: (Default)
Oh god I am so tired and stressed. It was a very long day doing everything alone at work. The day started with the new sales manager calling me to tell me next Monday he is coming to the office to I teach him to use our ERP system (Enterprise Resource Planning) and he wants to know what ideas or projects I have to organize our work. My idea is that him and my boss tell me how we will work and what they want of me. 
I told him I am alone in sales department trying to do my best while I wait for new orders 
I really have too much to do this week: 2 biddings which end this Wednesday, calculate sales commissions of the actual sellers, do all the quotes, segment the email database of our company, etc. plus my boss changed her mind one more time and today she asked me to calculate the commissions of the seller who left us, including open sales. This last pissed me off... I wish she stop being so unstable.

At midday I was really stressed so I went for lunch. When I came back to my office , the smelly guy comes in, belching, sat down in a chair and fell asleep then he began to snore for almost 1 hour 

I tried to keep calm, something that is harder every minute that I am at work, so I went to the kitchen to have a cup of coffee till he woke up and left my office.

3 p.m. I could continue working on the more important bidding I got since I am working there, which is very hard to do because they ask for a lot of information and I have a lot of costs to calculate. Then new sales manager called me again, this time to talk about a quote I sent to another seller for rent tools. He wanted asked me few questioans, and every time I opened my mouth to reply his question he started talking over me. 
The first time he did it I thought he had delay in the phone line, despite this sound weird... but he did it again.. and again... and again... at this point I didn't stop talking to see if he stops interrupting me but nope, he continue talking over me and loudy. I got pissed as fuck because I feel this is disrespectful so the next minutes at phone I just replied ok... ok... ok.

When my coworker came back to the office I asked him if sales manager has some issue with his cellphone line and I explained to him what happened. He told me "You must get used to it because he does that all the time, even talking face to face"  Then the girl who works with me said "ya... he does it to me too and never listens what I say" So I wonder how I will work from a distance and comunicate with a person who doesnt listent to others and how will he organize the company in this way... 
I know myself enought to know if next week when he comes to our office he does this one more time to me I will tell him to just sent me an email if he is not going to hear other people and do a monologue always. 

So this was my shitty day at work, and at least until Wednesday this will be like today.

nattalie: (Default)
 I had my mad day yesterday, now I am fine. I tried to take a nap but I couldn't fall asleep, so I got up and I worked on the website, I'll try to earn as much money as I can while I am working in the company. After dinner I laid in the bed and I watched Death Note. I used to watch the anime. The movie by Netflix didn't disappointed me.
I avoid talking to Michael because I was so mad that I was trying to argue with him. I fell asleep 3 a.m. and I had a lot of weird dreams.

Plans for today are workout, work on the websites, start a new programming course, cook a vegetables pie, do my nails, do my hair and maybe a peeling. 


Aug. 27th, 2017 01:33 am
nattalie: (Default)
A list with the movies I watched on Netflix last months to avoid watching it again 
  • Transcendence
  • Mortdecai
  • Dracula Untold
  • Lone Survivor
  • Angels & demons
  • The siege of Jadotville
  • The Da Vinci Code
  • In time
  • The Avengers
  • Marco Polo: One Hundred eyes
  • Lucy
  • John Wick
  • The Boss Baby
  • Death Note

nattalie: (Default)
 Oh god I am so fucking pissed...

Today went I got work people were histeric, I asked what was going on then they asked me if I read the email my boss sent last night... I didn't... so the other girl who works with me sent me to read it... I was scared thinking my boss was going to close the company. She is not... but the news were not better in my opinion.

As she told me, she got a person with universitary title to lead sales department (my department). But it is not a new employee as I thought, and this person is not someone with a title on administration or marketing... the new "sales manager and commercial director" is one of our sellers (who hardly ever can close a sales) and his title is "Engineer in renewable energies" 

My reaction (and so good my boss is away for a week) was like "are you fucking kidding me????"  I hope I be wrong but I don't think this guy will be able to organize a shit. First of all his experience "in international companies" was making projects to build wind farm. So, someone explain to me please what the hell this has to do with setting sales objetives, making a plan to get those goals, implement a sales strategy, etc.
And what pissed me off more is my boss told me the new manager won't work with me at the office because sales manager will go here and there to see clients and sellers (and because he lives in the other side of our country), and she is not sure if she will hire someone else to help me... so seems she thinks I will do the job of 2 person but get the salary of 1.... or maybe no, nobody fucking know because she is not sure what she wants to do, and because she is changing her mind every fucking day.

I should keep calm and wait till she comes back in a week and ask to her what her plans are. But for sure I can say she has not idea about manage a company, she doesn't even know the products we sell!! and it is obviously she is impromptu.  If she thought that people will respect this guy just because his title she was wrong... all my coworkers were saying that this guy has not idea about the position he got. 

I know I could do the job pretty decent, but I didnt expect she put me ahead of the office because the sellers that still steal in our company won't respect me at all. I am not upset about she looks for a new person, in fact I told her it was a good idea because this person can take drastic decistions and people will need follow him. But I didn't ever expect she put our worse seller (and his friend) to lead all the fucking company.

Really this country is full of mediocre people and fuckers and I am tired to get fucked up by them. I will start to look for new jobs and keep working on my own projects instead squeeze my mind trying to find solutions for a company which its owner is ruining.
nattalie: (Default)
To not talk again about all the stress I have at work let's write a little about Michael.

For those who has read all my complaining about him maybe you think he is a lazy and childish ass. Well be are agree that he needs be an adult and face his problems but there is something that makes it harder.
Michael has a health problem called sleep apnea which make him snoring, breath pauses and choking. I controlled him while he sleeps and he literally stop breathing for several seconds, then his body fights hard to get air until he makes choking noises and get some air to his lungs.... and then all the process starts again. This is the way he "sleeps" the whole night and of course he keep waking up because his noises, and he doesn't really rest. This makes him feel tired, irritated, depressed, and during the day he keeps falling asleep everywhere. He also has some extra weight that he wants to lose which doesn't help to his problem. 
I have tried to motivate him to do something else after work, but he can't keep a routine, then he feels a failure and get more depressed. Sometimes I lose my patience and I think he makes excuses then I remember how painful is looking at him when he sleeps, so just him really knows how harder is fix this situation, and I should support him instead push him. I try...
He went to the Dr 1 month ago who confirmed his issue. Dr sent him to run a sleep test, but it cost 1000 usd and Mike doesn't want pay for it. There is a mask for breathing he can use to sleep but he needs first do the test. I'm worry because the apnea makes his blood preassure go high.

So far he leaves the pills for anxiety because it makes his apnea worse and today he started doing workout and walking. He tried to do it before then he leaves after the first day. 
He also stops wasting his time with games or watching series and it seems he is studying to do the mobile app together. 

I write about this because I want to be his support and help him. This is not about MY expectations, this is 100% about him, I need remember this. 

nattalie: (Default)
I watched the eclipse from Nasa TV channel, it was amazing.

It was cloudy on Indianapolis and Michael was working but anyways he could take some pics with his iPhone.
There you have

He was not using the special glasses and he just looked at the sun when clouds covered it... I hope nothing happens to his eyes 
nattalie: (Default)
 The eclipse has begun, I'm watching it from Nasa channels. The sky is very clear here but we have not glasses for this and not sure what we could see from this point of the planet. They say that ppl from Brazil will be able to see a part of the eclipse, but not us. What I like about American ppl is that they make a party about everything. 


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