Soul age

Jun. 19th, 2017 02:30 pm
nattalie: (Default)
 Michael watched a documentary about age souls. I've never thought if we have or not souls, I think we have smt, doesnt matter how it is called. I dont need get names for this. He asked me what age my soul is then I researched about that to see if this sound reasonable or not.
So if those things about the soul is true, I feel I'm between stage 4 and 5 which means... what is mean? I don't know :)
It says I'm looking for a person to share the rest of my life with. I'm looking for the truth, I'm looking for someone to teach what I know before leave this stage. I'm in the spiritual stage. Maybe I'm about to leave stage 4 to enter completely to stage 5 because this about spiritual needs is a little new for me. It started 6 years ago when I got 33 years old. I've tried to find this in the church and I also was baptized... yes, at the age of 33, but I didn't find the answers I was looking for. 

I got a little depressed with all those things about souls because old souls are solitaries but if I think about that, it doesnt means that they are single. I wonder... if I'm an old soul why I end involved with people who seems have younger soul than me? Why I dont look for another old soul who will understand me 100%? is this because I need to find someone to teach what I know? Do I know some truth that other people still don't know? I don't feel that, I'm not "superior"... just different, so I'm not sure about all those soul things.
I won't get stressed for this and I don't want that a text define what I am. I set my own limits and I believe there is not limits for me if I really want to get something, even a soulmate. 

I have read a detailed document on Spanish but If you want to read a summary on English about soul age you can read

nattalie: (Default)
 Today is my 4th day without feel anxiety and without taking pills! 
Face muscles are more relaxed and I feel OK. I had good time this weekend altought I didn't leave home. On Saturday Mike woke me up 10AM. He studied Spanish with Duolingo for more than 3 hours .
I did my hair, I'm satisfied with my job and I also study English :D

Mike and I tried to play magic cards by videocall. It's uncomfortable and the image isnt good. Anyways it was good to try. After that we talk by phone for a long time, I really enjoyed it. 
Mike showed me some draws he did when he was a kid, he was ashame because the draws weren't good but I'm happy he shared it with me. I encouraged him to start drawing again and he will do!!!! He also wanna help me with my website project and we are agree that for the next vacation we will do more things that he would like doing, like going to amusement parks.
He wants shop shoes, some shoes which are expensive but it doesn't matter because he never get something for him. He wants buy shoes for me also but I'm not sure about it, because he likes some shoes which cost $280 and I feel guilty if he spend so much money on me 
They are the shoes, really lovely

We talk all day long until 3AM. It was a great day sharing things with him 
nattalie: (Default)
 I didn't work today, it's holiday. So I have 2 days off, I work on Monday then another day off.  

Yesterday something changes. I don't know what happend to me but I didn't feel anxiety at all althought Mike and I were talking for hours working to fix our issues. My mind was very quiet (finally!). I was not sad, not happy, not anxious, not depressed, not bad, not good... I felt nothing. It was a weird feeling but I got some peace inside me. So far I'm still in this mood, let's see how long it lasts. 
nattalie: (Default)
 wow... I can understand almost everything that Donald Trump talks... it means that my English is going better or that his speech is very basic?  well I don't care it makes me happy to can understand  I have watched some Russell Howard videos without subtitles and I understand some but not all because he speaks so fast sometimes. 

Flu day 2

Jun. 9th, 2017 10:00 pm
nattalie: (Default)
I went to work today. I didn't feel soooo bad but I still have so much snot. My throat burns probably because the heating. I got a sore in my mouth I don't know why but it's very annoying 
I won't do workout yet, I'll wait a couple of days until the pill for the flu starts working.
nattalie: (Default)
 I installed an app on my cellphone to improve my talking. It's called "English Conversation" and I like it so much! it's simple and efective. It has a lot of conversations that you can listen to and then you choose a person to replace. You can also record the conversation then few weeks later you can hear it to check if you have improved your talking.  Each conversation has a quiz to check your understanding. I did the first convo today, how awful is listening to myself talking so bad!! but it's ok, I'll become better soon 
nattalie: (Default)
 God... I want get better so I can do workout again     
nattalie: (Default)
 Today I didn't work. I feel very bad, I'm a snot machine so I stay at home, most of the time in the bed. I hardly ever get sick , I think it has to do with all the stress I'm having latelly.
I did nothing today but I try to not fall asleep or at night I won't be able to sleep. I'll read books and practise my English.

I went to the balcony and I saw my Schlumbergera is in bloom :)


Jun. 6th, 2017 10:29 pm
nattalie: (Default)
 I'm having very hard time. Stress is ruining my health. Face, neck, back, waistle hurt. I got cold so throat hurts too and I start to have snot.  I feel like shit. Mike and me are still on crisis but I trust we will get something good. Crisis are always an opportunity to grow up and learn. I wonder when I became so tenacious 


Jun. 5th, 2017 10:56 am
nattalie: (Default)
 Last Saturday my father came home to have dinner together and to talk. We have not seen each other for two years. I was tired because I work on Saturdays and I cleaned the house before he came. We ordered pizza. Dad drank 2 beers and I drank just 1 cup of a drink 4% alcohol. At midnight I was ready to sleep.  I had to drink 2 coffee after the dinner and still was sleepy.
To be honest I didn't enjoy so much the moment together. I didn't have so much to talk about, just about work and family, and both topic are boring. I've told him I don't go to his house because they are always arguing about politics. We talked about how my siblings use alcohol or drugs to evade the reality. I'm the opossite... I'm over aware of reality. He said he has failed 5 times like father, he believe there is not a need to set bounds because he can talk with people and make them reason so they should set their own bounds ... even with his grandchildren 3 years old He says life is simple, and you have to accept that there are a lot of things that you cant control. He admites he's bad couple, etc. But I never hear him saying he will try to be better person. For me he is an absent father, always busy with his work, gf and hobbies. I feel him like a friend who will be there if I need help. My family make me depressed.

Yesterday I had too much noise inside my head so I didn't leave the bed. I chatted for a couple of hours with Michael and it was all. 
nattalie: (Default)
  One of the main tasks of the mind is to fight or remove that emotional pain, which is one of the reasons for its incessant activity, but all it can ever achieve is to cover it up temporarily. In fact, the harder the mind struggles to get rid of the pain, the greater the pain. The mind can never find the solution, nor can it afford to allow you to find the solution, because it is itself an intrinsic part of the "problem."

Well... I should copy all the book here lol
nattalie: (Default)
Ok I feel I'm losing my mind, literally. I feel my mind took all the control and power over me and it's going to ruin me if I don't do something about. I look at myself in the mirror and I can see someone getting insane, really. I can see it on my eyes. Since few days I also stop breathing!!! it freak me out.

My mind became overactive, I couldn't stop it and I was sure it was maybe good. Let's make my mind more powerful! I thought it was something smart to do, so today I was reading the news and I saw an article about a book to learn how to control the mind.
"Mental GPS 2.0" by Celia Antonini. I tried to get the electronic book but I couldn't find it, so I evaluated to buy it. I did a research for see the review about the book, then I found another book wich seems good.
"The power of now" by Russell Dicaro. You can get this book on pdf for free. Happy about that because in the bookshop it's expensive. I started to read it and I realized that I became my mind. And I believe that my mind and thougths is the most important thing I have, I try to protect it all the time, and I feel without it I'm nothing. I'm very afraid to lose my thoughts!
I didn't end to read the first chapter and so far this book shows me how lost I'm but also give me some tips to stop thinking, something that I could never do. I wanted to try it asap, so I took a shower and I put focus in that... the sound of the water, my breaths, the warm on my skin, my body, my hair.. I didn't let my mind flight, I put all my attention on my 5 senses so my mind was quiet... finally the silence!!!! The muscles of my faces got relaxed instantly So fast I left the shower and my mind started working again I could feel all the tension on my face again

The predominance of mind is no more than a stage in the evolution of consciousness. We need to go on to the next stage now as a matter of urgency; otherwise, we will be destroyed by the mind, which has grown into a monster

Some quotes after cut... )

I will save on my journal the paragraphs I want to keep on mind but if you want to read this book, you can download it on English from here

nattalie: (moi)
I don't know what is going on with me. I'm overactive but I feel tired. I have no idea where my energy comes from because I'm not having good eating and I'm sleeping 4 or 5 hours but I always find a way to force myself to do workout or stay awake till late. I wonder if I'm having hormonal issues or it is just stress. Or maybe I lost the control of my mind.. who knows?
Yesterday I did workout then I took a shower. Dinner last week is tea, fruit, chesse, oatmeal. My body was ready to sleep since I got home but my mind didn't want. At 3am I fell asleep.
Today I went for a walk in my lunch time. Almost 4 km and 5k steps in 35 minutes. I didn't rush. To relax my mind and for cheking how much steps my app miss I count the steps. The app missed almost 600 steps.
Im at the office now, a little sleepy but I have to work.
nattalie: (Default)
She said that then she opened Candy Crush and played it...
Btw, lvl 938 now
nattalie: (Default)
2 am, need force myself to sleep.
nattalie: (moi)
What I dont like about my work is the place where the office is and my coworkers. I was happy that in the upstairs office where we are now, the fat guy isnt next to me so I dont see directly when he is picking his nose or digging in his ears with the car key, but now the other coworker who is sitting in front of me started to pick his nose since we moved here. And he also makes so much noise when he drinks something or he eats cookies (he chews with open mouth).
ok we all are humans and we all have snots, but why men are so disgusting? Why they are always in front of other people picking their nose, scratching their balls, digging their ears and they also look at their finger to check the treasure they got? If you are at your home ok, do whatever you want!!! But when you have people around move your ass to the restroom if you need do that. Some men also burp nonstop in front of other people and you can smell what they ate. Disgusting and gross.


May. 30th, 2017 11:39 am
nattalie: (moi)
I'm in my coffee break at work. What I like about my job is that I never work on holidays. That is great! My schedule is always the same, it never changes and i don't work at night because we are closed at 6pm :)
I dont have to deal with costumers. They dont come to our offices. My boss is never behind me controlling what I do. There is nobody who check what I do with my computer also. They pay my salary always on time and all the contributions to the state, health service, etc. Whatever I say I need for work, they will give me... a new computer, desk, chair or cellphone.
If I see a course I can do and wich helps to improve my skills they will pay it for me. When a holidays is on Friday or Monday they usually give us the Saturday off.
Isnt so bad, right?


May. 27th, 2017 11:38 pm
nattalie: (Default)
I found another good serie on Netflix! I'm stucked at the computer watching Shooter from 3 hours now, and still 5 episodes left to watch.
I chose that serie because I like sniper stories and because the black actor who worked on Dr. House (I don't know his name), and I'm not disappointed at all. So bad it's just 1 season so far.
I'm very curious about how soldier's mind works... how they deal with the fact that they are killers? I couldn't kill even an animal. 
How can you have honor, loyalty, faithfulness and also be a killer? Our beliefs can be so powerful. I feel kinda admiration, sadness and fear for them. I would like to analyze and understand them. Our mind can be amazing. 
Writing this I realized that I'm trying to understand people's mind all the time... I don't know why 


May. 27th, 2017 04:40 pm
nattalie: (Default)
 I came home from work, had lunch then I went to the park for a walk. I walked for 1 hour then I did streatching. Finally I did 10k steps in one day!
I realized that Google Fit app is very bad to count steps, so I'll start tracking it manually. Now I'll lay a bit or maybe take a nap 

btw... even walking fast my heart is very quiet. That's really good for training 


May. 25th, 2017 10:40 pm
nattalie: (Default)
 lol took me 6 years to write 1000 tweets 


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