nattalie: (Default)
 I don't know if this can be allergy or what is wrong but my face is deformed. My eyelids are swollen and now my cheeks too. I'm using dexametasona ointment but it is not working out today.  I never had an allergy like this. 
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 Yesterday I finally get done the document I was doing for the bidding. This has 30 pages!!! of course the days I worked on it everybody need something of me. I made them all wait until today, even my boss, but she is very satisfied with my work, she didn't know it was so hard.
I am satisfied too, but not happy because I feel nothing I can do at work will do any difference.

Sales manager is so lost and my boss is not yet able to plan or anticipate things. My coworkers spend most of the day watching videos, talking, eating or fucking around instead do their job, 2 associate sellers are still stealing sales and they also desappear the whole week to avoid to face my boss who traveled to their province to talk with them, and I feel more like looking for a new job instead waste more time there.

I am very pissed, people from my country is so mediocre and lazy. One of my coworkers who works in the company since 10 years ago, the man who sleeps at work and is always outside smoking or in other office talking with people, we can't make him do his job. All the tasks we give to him he doesn't do, he forget it for weeks then when someone claims he gets mad. This man doesn't do his job because is speculating if he gets fired my boss has to pay to him so much money, even he told me his intention to take legal actions. To be honest he is a cancer in the company and everybody is agree about this. Excellence does not exist here...

So Yesterday after work I was so stressed that I fell asleep. When I woke up at 9 p.m. I couldn't get up. My legs and arms were numb. The hernia from my back and my cervical hurt as hell although I am not doing workout this week. This took me 1 hour to can stand up. Today it was another long day at work because I had to do all the tasks I didn't do the last 3 days. And I didn't finish yet. 

I'm a little delayed with my courses but still doing it. I started to read a book about Javascript and jQuery, it looks cool.
nattalie: (Default)
 It was a good week. I didn't feel anxious at all, it is my second week without anxiety?
It was a normal week at work. I'm working with my boss in different strategies to reactivate the sales. Because I am also who design our websites, newsletter, brochures, etc she told me if I need to work overtime at home she will pay me for this 
I did workout on Monday, Wednesday and Friday. It seems I'm doing well because I can feel some pain on my muscles.. not that kind of pain when you get injured but some pain that make you know you worked your body... like Eminem's song says: a beautiful kind of pain! For tomorrow I'm going to try to wake up at 6 a.m. to do workout before go to work, let's see if I'm able to get up when it is cold.
In order to be able to do exercises without feel exhausted, I'm trying to improve my eating. I want to eat more vegetables and fruits and I need to have decent breakfast. Last 2 days I had fruits, yogurth, cereals and toast. I don't think I can eat eggs at morning but fruits is something that my body accept without get sick. And it looks very delicious for me!

Mike and I calculated how many calories it has and this breakfast has around 300-400 cal and all is non fat. I know nothing about nutrition but I guess it is good food to get energy at morning to face the day. 
ANother thing I have to do about my health is drinking less coffee. I know I have wrote this a lot of times on this journal, but I really need do it. I researched why my vertebral discs are dehydrated and if there is something I can do to hydrate them again. And guess what? vertebral discs get hydrated by the water you drink, and obviously they get dehydrated for the same reason all your body get dehydrated too, so this mean that if you drink much coffee, alcohol, you smoke, etc etc your body and the discs will lose water.  
I started to drink 3 big cups of coffee every day (sometimes 4 or 5) because my eating and sleeping are bad, and I use coffee to get fast energy (and I love how it taste to be honest). Althought I drink 1.5 to 2 liters of water my body is dehydrated always. I need pee every 1-2 hours. The good thing is that I dont suffer fluid retention even on summer but the bad thing is that this affect my whole body. I start to drink collagen again and I'm going to cut slowly the coffee. If I can wake up early to have a healthy breakfast I can skip the first coffee. The second coffee I can replace for green tea and just drink the coffee I have at 3 p.m., when I start to feel sleepy at work. It seems stupid that I can't stop drinking coffee but I think I'm addicted, so I need to stay strong to get this goal. 
Yesterday I cleaned the house even when I felt tired, I'm happy I did so today I can spend my time on beauty rutine and do my HTML course. At night I worked on the website of my client with the last changes he asked me to do and I studied English. Mike invited me to watch together the last chapter of dragon Ball and I did, I like this anime. I fell asleep 2 a.m.
Today I woke up 8.30 a.m. on panic because I was late for work, it took me few minutes to understand why I didn't set any alarm for wake up... it's Sunday I fell asleep again until 1 p.m. then I got up and I had a delicious breakfast (and after it I had a coffee )

Flu day 2

Jun. 9th, 2017 10:00 pm
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I went to work today. I didn't feel soooo bad but I still have so much snot. My throat burns probably because the heating. I got a sore in my mouth I don't know why but it's very annoying 
I won't do workout yet, I'll wait a couple of days until the pill for the flu starts working.
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 Today I didn't work. I feel very bad, I'm a snot machine so I stay at home, most of the time in the bed. I hardly ever get sick , I think it has to do with all the stress I'm having latelly.
I did nothing today but I try to not fall asleep or at night I won't be able to sleep. I'll read books and practise my English.

I went to the balcony and I saw my Schlumbergera is in bloom :)


Jun. 6th, 2017 10:29 pm
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 I'm having very hard time. Stress is ruining my health. Face, neck, back, waistle hurt. I got cold so throat hurts too and I start to have snot.  I feel like shit. Mike and me are still on crisis but I trust we will get something good. Crisis are always an opportunity to grow up and learn. I wonder when I became so tenacious 
nattalie: (Default)
Ok I feel I'm losing my mind, literally. I feel my mind took all the control and power over me and it's going to ruin me if I don't do something about. I look at myself in the mirror and I can see someone getting insane, really. I can see it on my eyes. Since few days I also stop breathing!!! it freak me out.

My mind became overactive, I couldn't stop it and I was sure it was maybe good. Let's make my mind more powerful! I thought it was something smart to do, so today I was reading the news and I saw an article about a book to learn how to control the mind.
"Mental GPS 2.0" by Celia Antonini. I tried to get the electronic book but I couldn't find it, so I evaluated to buy it. I did a research for see the review about the book, then I found another book wich seems good.
"The power of now" by Russell Dicaro. You can get this book on pdf for free. Happy about that because in the bookshop it's expensive. I started to read it and I realized that I became my mind. And I believe that my mind and thougths is the most important thing I have, I try to protect it all the time, and I feel without it I'm nothing. I'm very afraid to lose my thoughts!
I didn't end to read the first chapter and so far this book shows me how lost I'm but also give me some tips to stop thinking, something that I could never do. I wanted to try it asap, so I took a shower and I put focus in that... the sound of the water, my breaths, the warm on my skin, my body, my hair.. I didn't let my mind flight, I put all my attention on my 5 senses so my mind was quiet... finally the silence!!!! The muscles of my faces got relaxed instantly So fast I left the shower and my mind started working again I could feel all the tension on my face again

The predominance of mind is no more than a stage in the evolution of consciousness. We need to go on to the next stage now as a matter of urgency; otherwise, we will be destroyed by the mind, which has grown into a monster

Some quotes after cut... )

I will save on my journal the paragraphs I want to keep on mind but if you want to read this book, you can download it on English from here

nattalie: (moi)
I don't know what is going on with me. I'm overactive but I feel tired. I have no idea where my energy comes from because I'm not having good eating and I'm sleeping 4 or 5 hours but I always find a way to force myself to do workout or stay awake till late. I wonder if I'm having hormonal issues or it is just stress. Or maybe I lost the control of my mind.. who knows?
Yesterday I did workout then I took a shower. Dinner last week is tea, fruit, chesse, oatmeal. My body was ready to sleep since I got home but my mind didn't want. At 3am I fell asleep.
Today I went for a walk in my lunch time. Almost 4 km and 5k steps in 35 minutes. I didn't rush. To relax my mind and for cheking how much steps my app miss I count the steps. The app missed almost 600 steps.
Im at the office now, a little sleepy but I have to work.
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 Didn't take any pill today. I'm 42 beats per minute... no way to do workout without a heart :(
I'll crawl into bed
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Last 2 days I worked 16 hours or more every day. Neck and back hurt as fuck but the website is almost done. Yesterday Flor wanted to eat pizza with me but I told her I should work, so she came to home and we have dinner together. She gave me some massages but it was not enough... I won't get ride of this pain until I stop using the computer few days, something that won't happens. And the stress... always messing with me.

Michael had a car accident yesterday. Some woman who was talking by phone while driving hit Mike's car. He was on rage and very frustrated because fixing the car will cost like 1000 bucks. Here if the drivers have insurance they pay the service to fix the car but Michael told me there insurance won't pay 100% of that  

Today I got home from work then I continued working in the website. I did a pause to drink coffee and look Instagram very fast, and of course I ended up stucked on cats pic for at least 20 min 
At 9pm I was done with the website and very tired but anyways I forced myself to do 1 hour workout and stretching. My back feels better but I can't relax my neck so prolly I'll take pills tonight. There isn't desire to cook, I'll get a soup then lay on bed and watch Prison Break until fall asleep. 


Apr. 17th, 2017 09:05 pm
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 I read today about a girl who lost her vision of an eye because her contacts. She got a rare but serious infection caused by a microorganism commonly present in tap water, sea water and swimming pools. This happend because she manipulated her contacts after wash her hands but without dry them. 
It's important to not use contacts when u take a shower or you swim.
nattalie: (Default)
 7 hours more and I'll have 4 days off! I have a lot of things I wanna do next days:  online courses, IPL sessions, start the new website, swimming, beauty care, go to the market, workout workout workout, get my magic cards deck done... I need a "to do" list, I don't want waste my holiday being lazy. 
Yesterday I watched some videos about carpal tunnel exercises. I did the exercises and the pain in my arms decreased!  I'll do it every day. 
It's great to see all the power that the mind has. I decided change my mind and the things I tell to myself 1 year ago, I forced myself to do small steps every day to get my goals. So bad I waste too much years before control my mind, but better late than never.

Btw 30 days to go to Orlando 


Feb. 2nd, 2017 10:53 pm
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I feel weak... every day. I don't know if this is because the weather, or my diet, maybe because my slow heart? dunno, but I've been trining for 10 months at least and i don't feel much stronger. I lost 13 lb and my body has been changed some but I feel stucked and weak. I'll try again the natural vitamins wich I've stopped taking because I got allergy, and I'll try to fix my eating, something that will be really hard, but if my weakness has to do with my heart then I'm fucked. I don't know if my sinus bradycardia is messing with my training... if this kind of heart condition is normal to ppl who do training then I think it can't make me weak... can this?
Doctor did a test to check my heart while I running and my it works fine when I'm training... I do not have arrhythmia. So I guess it can be because my diet. Prolly I should eat meat more often, or drink less coffee or eat more vegetals... or I have not fucking idea 

This week I'm not doing the BBG exercises. I do bike, few squats and stretching. I'll keep this routine maybe for 1 more week, try to release stress, fix my diet and see how I feel 
nattalie: (Default)
Two days ago I spoke Flor. Of course she said she has all under control  I think she lies herself and to be honest I'm very disappointed. She doesn't regreat and she doesn't learn nothing from her mistakes. But what can I do? I gave her my opinion and advice, I offered her my help and I tried to don't judge her. So far this is the only I can do I guess 

Althought the pain on arms/hands I keep doing workout and fighting to don't feel depressed. Today doctor did an electromyogram after 2 hours waiting.... it was very uncomfortable!!!! they sent electricity on my elbows and wrist to see how my nerves and muscles are working.  I'm pissed about my doctor, I feel he's a little stupid. He sent  me a topical medication for the pain on my hands but... after put medication on it say I have to was my hands cuz the drug... this obviously isn't for hands whatever

Since I feel a little depressed because all the stress and issues, and since I need some comfortables shoes to wear everyday I went shopping today.... I got 4 pair of shoes  Mike helped me to chose and here they are

nattalie: (Default)
 What the hell is wrong with this year???  I can't believe all the shit that is going on.  As if the rob were not enough, last saturday night Flor called me to say someone was trying to go into her house and she didn't know what to do! I called the police and a taxy, then I called her to say I was on my way.  Suddenly Flor heard noise at the door again then I couldn't hear her anymore, I just heard like someone yelling. I was on panic, running to the taxy, screaming on the phone... the call ended. I tried to call her but phone was off or out service, I tried again, and again and again... then Flor answered. Communication was distorted and make that noise... god I almost had heart attack! 
When I got her house police were there... 4 patrol cars. They didn't find anyone around but I take Flor to my house. I don't know if what they heard was real, but I knew something was wrong. I found what it is yesterday. It worries me and hurts me so much. So I'm thinking how to help her.
I'm not sure what I will to do about her situation yet. She is going to ruin her life and of course she won't admite it. But all of this is more than I can hold right now. Too much stress, too many issues... and it's hard dont fall into depression. I fight against my mind to stay strong, to keep calm, to have a positive attitude. But this got fucked up when a motorcycle hit me this morning!!! This mother fucker didn't stop at the red light when I was crossing the street!!!! Son of bitch, I didn't fall down but he hit my arm badly,  my neck and back hurt because I pushed him away with all my strength. Really????? I had to had an accident too?????  well... at least it was not serious. But I feel dizzy all the morning and body hurt... it was hard to work. Michael tried to do my day better but i got a better way to change my day.

After work I went shooping then I got home. I rest a little and I did workout, I took a shower and I took care of myself. If you are sad... GO SHOPPING!!! 

Yes, I went to Avon shop again. The liquid soap disappoint me a little. I thought the smell was going to stay on my skin but it is mild.Anyway this soap is moisturizer and i like it . The clear skin I will know if this work after try it for few days. The peel of mask is so weird! it seems like glue when I put on my skin, but seems it works. The argan and coconut oil I just bought it cuz the smell >.< it makes me remember the days on the beach with Mike.


Jan. 5th, 2017 04:47 pm
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 Today I had appointment with Doctor for check my hands. Pain in my elbows are because swollen. Pain in the hands? he's not sure because the joints aren't swollen at all. So he sent me to do many tests: blood, X.-ray, electromyogram, Schirmer test, Rose of Bengal test and another test to check if I have dry mouth. Many of those test has to do with neurones and inmune system. He also checked the last thyrod test I did and he said it was not 100% fine but still in acceptable parameters. 
Something I don't like about going to Clinic is that i get foreign doctors latelly.. first it was just for medic guard... now it's with appointments too. This happens because our universities are free, then they come to our country to study or to do medical residence... usually they talk using words or expressions that we don't even use, and I'm not sure how much experience they have. I think they sallaries are lower than a doctor from our country and for this Clinics hire them, but I don't like a foreign medic care my health in my own country. It bother me
nattalie: (Default)
 After 1 month being lazy ass I started my workout again on Monday. The first week is the easier but it was a little hard for me because weather and because this pain I'm feeling since 1 month..
I'm really worried about this. The joints of hand hurt all day long every day. Sometimes joints of the foot hurt a little, and I don't know why but it can't be good. They don't swell this is the weird thing about this, just hurt. I though it was because muscles contracture because I feel pain on my arms, neck and back, then maybe it makes hand hurts also? Could be this pain because sleeping in bad position over my arms???? I don't know.
Today I stretched my muscles hoping to pain goes away but stretch makes it worse. I read a little about this kind of pain on internet but of course it's never a good idea, I found arthritis, osteoarthritis, rheumatoid arthritis, etc. But I thought those are diseases wich old people get. Seems I'm wrong. I'm so worried. I have appointment to see a Dr. in 2 days, I'm young to this kind of issues! 
nattalie: (Default)
Yesterday I did my exam. It was a busy day, I couldn't study nothing in my lunch time. It was very hot, 30+ , I was sleepy because the pills and my ovaries hurted. I didn't speak so much to Michael, I was not in the mood, and of course he was worried about something bad happens. When I left work I went to the Insitute and I did my test. The writing test I don't know if was fine, they still don't check it. For sure I did some mistakes because I couldn't study all the units... it was 12 units. But the speaking test I did very well!!! I got 9 out of 10!!!!!Just_Cuz_13.gifJust_Cuz_13.gifJust_Cuz_13.gifJust_Cuz_13.gif I finally can get some rest.

The pills... the softer is Alprazolam and the stronger Clonazepam. I really don't like taking it and cardiologist told me I can't take it because it make my heart slower, but I'm very stressed because the exam, because all the changes at work, because my period shame.gif, because Michael... I couldn't sleep at night, so I decided to take pills for now.  It kill my emotions... I'm not sad, not happy, not depressed, not worry, I don't care about nothing, and my mind can analize better the situations. michael doesn't like it at all, he says that I don't care about him, that pills kill my feelings and it's not good, he's so anxious, but for now I prefer keep taking it. The only I don't like is that although I take just 1/4 pill of Clonazepam this makes me sleepy all day long. Is very hard to me to wake up and the first days I almost passed out, so now I'm taking the softer pill to not be late at work.Zzz.gif
btw.. Mike changed his wsap pic and put my pic... now some boys he has in his contact list started to say things to him because they think it's a girl happy0196.gif he's getting mad but this is funny!!!
nattalie: (Default)
77º today, sunny... beautiful day, but I'm cold... my hands are very cold, I have to wear a cardigan. I just walked out to my office and stay under the sun... and I feel cold. Prolly it's because lack of sleep, and I know I will not sleep enought untill monday. Stupid heart...


Oct. 30th, 2016 11:28 pm
nattalie: (Default)

My nails hurts. 4 nails broken and prolly it will be more after cleaning tomorrow. I'm cuting all now and I will apply almond oil on nails to hydratate it. I use one nighstand to put my make up, brushes, nailpolish, face cream, etc. So I have all that I need to care my beauty next to the bed. No excuses to not do my beauty routine anymore ☺


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