nattalie: (Default)
 Today is my 4th day without feel anxiety and without taking pills! 
Face muscles are more relaxed and I feel OK. I had good time this weekend altought I didn't leave home. On Saturday Mike woke me up 10AM. He studied Spanish with Duolingo for more than 3 hours .
I did my hair, I'm satisfied with my job and I also study English :D

Mike and I tried to play magic cards by videocall. It's uncomfortable and the image isnt good. Anyways it was good to try. After that we talk by phone for a long time, I really enjoyed it. 
Mike showed me some draws he did when he was a kid, he was ashame because the draws weren't good but I'm happy he shared it with me. I encouraged him to start drawing again and he will do!!!! He also wanna help me with my website project and we are agree that for the next vacation we will do more things that he would like doing, like going to amusement parks.
He wants shop shoes, some shoes which are expensive but it doesn't matter because he never get something for him. He wants buy shoes for me also but I'm not sure about it, because he likes some shoes which cost $280 and I feel guilty if he spend so much money on me 
They are the shoes, really lovely

We talk all day long until 3AM. It was a great day sharing things with him 
nattalie: (Default)
Guess what?!! yesterday I've bitched to Michael again I think I overreacted but latelly something is changing inside me. I used to be someone who hold everything on silence. Confronting people was so hard for me that I had panic attack. But now, I can't hold nothing else. I always think before talk but I don't wait months to open my mouth, now I don't wait even a week. And this isn't just with Michael... I see I'm doing the same about work. And even if things don't go as I want, telling to people what I think make me feel less stressed. I try to give my opinion in a respectful way, but now I stop caring if they will get offended with me and run away.

This days I'm helping my boss with some reports. She knows and she said more than once it's my coworker who has to do this reports. Today after work we got the bus together and we were talking about how things are going, and about the last meeting we had. I'm being very honest with her about how I see the situation of the company. And also I've told her I don't trust anymore my fat coworker and I explained my reasons. We both don't know what intentions he have, she doesn't trust him too. She told me she's tired of the attitude of the people who is working for her company, and she's thinking about to do a big restructuration, and she mentioned I'm involved in that changes but didn't give me details, and I won't ask. I'll keep doing my best trying to help to save the company. This is a challange and I love challanges!

Yesterday I was so tired that I fell asleep at 10pm... today I'm exhausted too. I think I'm getting sick, or maybe I'm more stressed than usual 

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It was a hard week but I've survived!!! I struggle with my depression and anxiety, something that is harder when your hormones are messing with you, but the good thing is that I know perfectly what events cause those issues.

As I said before I'm talking with Michael again, I never give up before try everything. Nothing is fixed yet but we started to do small steps. He told me his fears about our relationship, they are very logic and I have same fears, and we could see what personal things each one need to fix.
I'm confronthing Michael with himself, and of course this make him mad at me. So I started to write in a private journal all that I have inside my mind (even my demonds) for he can understand me better. I always can explain the reasons for my actions, thoughts, opinions, feelings. I'm very honest and I even write why he makes me mad.
He understand my need to know him better (thoughts and feelings) so what he did just surprised me... he started to write about him for me.
I can't say if this will work or not, but at least we are trying.
There are so many hurted people who can't progress with their life because they just try to ignore their feelings...

Yesterday I spent all day long lying in bed and watching Prison Break, so today I did workout to not feel I wasted my weekend. I did also some beauty rutine.

My schlumbergera truncata is blooming

I'll sleep now but this week I need work on my website.
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Last 2 days I worked 16 hours or more every day. Neck and back hurt as fuck but the website is almost done. Yesterday Flor wanted to eat pizza with me but I told her I should work, so she came to home and we have dinner together. She gave me some massages but it was not enough... I won't get ride of this pain until I stop using the computer few days, something that won't happens. And the stress... always messing with me.

Michael had a car accident yesterday. Some woman who was talking by phone while driving hit Mike's car. He was on rage and very frustrated because fixing the car will cost like 1000 bucks. Here if the drivers have insurance they pay the service to fix the car but Michael told me there insurance won't pay 100% of that  

Today I got home from work then I continued working in the website. I did a pause to drink coffee and look Instagram very fast, and of course I ended up stucked on cats pic for at least 20 min 
At 9pm I was done with the website and very tired but anyways I forced myself to do 1 hour workout and stretching. My back feels better but I can't relax my neck so prolly I'll take pills tonight. There isn't desire to cook, I'll get a soup then lay on bed and watch Prison Break until fall asleep. 
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Oh tired as fuck! but I did workout. I installed an app to track the steps I do and other activity. I don't walk so much because I work sitting 9 hours per day but anyway I do 3k steps just going and coming to take the bus. I should go for a walk on my lunch time but I don't like the city where I work. 
In 4 days it says I walked 5.25km, 9k steps, burned 6k calories and doing activity for 2.30 hours just going to work and doing my workout 2 days.
My weight is 134lbs and I don't think I should lose more weight. This week I'm a little quiet because period pains.

I want finish to write my memories from vacations before weekend. I have to do few things more in the website and try to study English. I still have to sell a lot of products, make more decks of Magic Cards, read my book, finish my course of HTML/CSS to improve my skills and I also started 2 more courses: "e-commerce" and "ERP"

I had a serious conversation with Mike. He's trying to change some things and starting to work for get his goals. I'll help him since I'm the only person to who he tell his things. I know how hard it will be to him but I know he can get whatever he wants. I love the team we do 
So far we started to go to bed early to fix our sleeping and I try he don't take naps.

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 Yday I did bad work with sunscreen. Mike's legs and feet burned and the sun was so hot that our skin got burned even on places that I put sunscreen.. like his chest. I'm more tanned than burned. So after see Mike's skin I decided we don't go to the pool today. 
Michael has asked his mother to book the hotel for us because she's member, and for some reason that I still don't understand she booked it from Saturday to Saturday... we arrived on Sunday so, we need do check out tomorrow at 10am and look for a hotel to sleep that night.

Very relaxing day, we play cards and watch tv. We walked to Nike store and I bought 2 pair of shoes and clothes. I spent $216 and saved $65. I don't like wearing sneakers but I have to say those shoes I got are very comfortable, love them!

At night we had an argument or something like that. It was because the language. We were talking about 2 different situation but it feels like we were argument about one. We couldn't understand each to other then Mike got upset and stressed. I got pissed for his reaction and told him to let me alone. He tried to come to me but I felt so frustrated that I said Go away! He did. I started to pack our things but he came to me again. Reconciliations are always great!!!   

After it we went to the bath and I got massages when we both calm again Mike explained to me what he was trying to tell me before, and I explained to him what I wanted to say. I really need to improve my speaking to avoid this situations, I don't expect Mike learn Spanish. 

We played till we felt hungry, at 3am. I wanted to try Tacos, so we drove to Taco Bell. I had no idea what kind of Tacos I would like so I let Mike choose for me. He start to order food and I was like WTF?!?!?!?! it was endless!!!!! We got like 9 or 10 tacos because Mike wasn't sure what I like then he wants I try different kind of tacos.  He definitely wants me fat.

I didn't like all of them

Our plan was staying awake till the morning to do the check out but after the late dinner I said Fuck that! let's take some sleep.

Beach day!

Mar. 30th, 2017 08:38 pm
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 Since we woke up early, we decided to go to the beach. The weather is great since we arrived to Florida, always warm and no rain at all. 
We went again to Clearwater, it's like 2 hours driving, maybe more, not sure, but traffic wasn't so bad.This time Mike took another road to go there.

Some ships

I was wondering if there are any bus service and how it looks when we saw one, they look very different than here

The entrance of a beach next to the one that we were

This time the beach was more crowd than 2 days ago, I guess this is because we got there earlier. We put our towels on the sand and lie down, and guess what? Mike fell asleep 

I let him sleep a little while I was reading my book, then we went to the water. Again it was cold but I forced Mike to stay more time inside, what is the point to go to the beach if you won't swim??!!
After it we walked to a store next to the beach but we didn't like nothing there to eat. We were sunbathing again when I saw a pirate ship in the water. 

Mike told me that is the ship they used to film Pirates of the Caribbean... of course I didn't believe it! He's always tryng to trick me and always fails but we have fun in this way.
After we left the beach we started to drive back to Kissimmee but we stopped twice. One of them I can't give details here but now in our to-do list we have 1 less thing left   .

This is a pic I took in that place, the ocean is on the side of the road

The second time we stopped at some store wich sell stuff for offices. We picked 2 folders for our cards, Mike chose one blue and I chose purple. They are perfect for cards because are 3" for 650 sheets. We bought also some Sharpie markers wich I wanted, pens and paper.

Since we still have pizza we didn't need buy food today. So we went back to the hotel and we played cards. My deck is done finally! and isn't so bad how I expected, infact I'm beating Mike muahahaha 

nattalie: (Default)
 We woke up early (well almost noon) to go to the beach. After coffee, we took our books, towels and something to drink, then we drove to Clearwater beach, on Tampa. It was sunny and hot, a perfect day!
We got there at 3pm. I think this time were more people than last year. 

We rent chairs and we lie a little, the sun felt very nice. After a while we went to the water. It was colder than in August and with some waves, but very clean. After few minutes inside, I stopped feeling cold and we had fun doing our usual stupid things :P
When we had enough in the water, we went out and we lie down a little more, then I forced Mike to go for a walk. I feel again that americans are very nice people, at least in Florida. I didn't see any woman trying to get attention showing her body, or men acting like superstarts, something typical in my country. People like saying funny things to others and Mike is always joking with everybody, it makes me never uncomfortable or ashame.

birds looking for something to eat

We tried to take some pics but I always ruin all the pics closing my eyes or because I look dumb... so I just post this pic of Mike kissing me because he's so cute

At 6pm we were starving so we left the beach and we drove back to Kissimmee.

We went to the game store to buy more cards... and card sleeves... and deck boxes... and dices!!! I got some Pop games toys of League of Legens for Flor.


When we back in the hotel Mike cooked a delicious meat and I made a salad with spinach, carrot and baby tomato. After it I continued making my deck wich again I could finish. Here my stuff

We played untill 6am then we went to bed, this game is really funny!

Pool day

Mar. 28th, 2017 08:30 pm
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I woke up first than Mike, as usual, then I had breakfast: caramel coffee with oatmel cookies... delicious. I woke mike up and give coffee to him. Since it was late to go to the beach we went to the pool. There were many people.

We lie in the chairs and we read our books.
I chose a book from Michael's books (yes, he again brings like 6 or 7 books). The book is called "Service a Navy Seal at war" by Marcus Luttrell. It's a thrilling war story and tribute to the Seals team, which I would later discover that talk about Chris Kyle, the sniper I was looking a movie on the plane. 
We went to the water and we have fun playing like kids. I carried Mike and I walked for all the pool, then I jumped on his back and he took me to each corner of the pool. This is what I enjoy about Mike, he's always ready to do stupid things with me, and what I like about american people is they don't give a shit about what other people do, nobody is looking at you or paying attention to you, so I can do any stupid or childish thing and nobody will care.
Next to the pool is a lake. We could see otters swimming there or playing outside. They were so cute!!! Everybody were looking them. A man who was few chairs next to us saw I was trying to see them, then he started to tell me when the otters showed up. 

This is the lake when the otters were.

After pool we went back to the room and I tried to cook pasta... I say I "tried" because the sauce wasn't how I expected. This happened to me because I don't know English. Yesterday when we went to Walmart I was looking for some kind of cream we call "crema de leche". So I was there, in the dairy sector, and I saw milk, coffee mate, yogurt, and sour cream. I didn't know what "sour" means and I wonder if this was the cream I was looking for. The bottle had a drawn cow. I shaked it but I was not sure it was liquid. I took it anyway because it was the only which look like the cream I was looking for. But it wasn't the same cream. The crema de leche is a kind of milk very heavy but still liquid. The taste is very soft, not sweet, not salty... and for sure not "sour".
So I took the green onion and I cut it in tiny rings, I put them on the skillet and when I open the cream bottle and I saw what it was... fuck!!!!!! I got so mad!!! I called Michael and tell him it was not the right cream, then I started to research on google and I found that our crema de leche is called Light milk... nothing to do about. I used the stupid fucking sour cream to cook the sauce and I asked to Mike if he wanted it with his pasta ar not, because I didn't like. He said, don't worry let's eat it, not sure because the taste wasn't so bad for him or because he loves me so much lol.
We ate (I didn't finish my pasta, the taste or the angry was making me sick) then I started to try to make my first deck of Magic cards.
I had... I don't know... for sure more than 400 cards that Mike got for me, so making a deck seems like a hard task for me. For make things worse, Mike said "Nat let's go to the game store" and we came back with another box of cards.... 540 more cards

Our cards before go to the store

the new cards

we started to pick the packs one by one to divide it.... I ended with all these packs and I got the best cards hahahaha xD

Obviously I couldn't make my deck that night, so we use some decks Mike got before to start playing, Cursed vs Blessed. It was my first time playing Magic, and I really like so much this game. Is a little hard for me to understand 100% how every card works because they are on English, but we both are learning (in fact, the first 2 days we wasn't playing the game correctly)
We went to bed and played a little more before sex and sleep xD
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The Hotel: Vacation Village at Parkway. I love this hotel really. This is the room we booked this time, very comfortable and nice.

This time I didn't let Mike buy so much junkfood but anyway he got some. I got more flavored coffee.... I'm in love with them

I had to buy cookies OFC!!!

I asked to Mike to try that kind of butter they always use for sandwichs on the movies... here it is

Mike got the only beer that so far I like, and some beer for him. I really love American drinks and food

nattalie: (moi)
I was wrong about the flight to Orlando. It was 5 hours not 8. In the seats next to me there were a couple of American guys, very quiet people so I had a good flight. I arrived to Orlando Airport 4pm. There were less people than last time but anyway it took me 1 hour to do the Customs control, pick my luggages and let they check if the sweets I bring for Michael were fine to enter to the country. I could say nothing about it but I had not reason to hide it and I respect the controls they do.
Mike was getting bored of waiting lol I dont know why he got the airport 2 hours early than I arrived. I felt so happy to see him again!!. As usual he didn't remember where his car was parked then he made me walk several minutes. The most fun is the car was in the first place that we were looking for.
Mike got the hotel at 5am that morning so he could get good sleep before pick me. Luckely his car didn't show more problems.
We went from the airport to the hotel. He told me he was sure I'll like this room more than the room we were before and he was right. I really like this hotel, Vacation Village at Parkway. They have 3 kind of rooms, all are like apartments. This time we got the bigger room wich is bigger than my flat. It is full equiped and very comfortable. I have read in some websites that the only about some people complain is because they dont give free room cleaning service every day. For me this is perfect because I dont want someone coming in to our room every day. It has electronic safe but I don't want to take every day our things there because someone will come to clean the room.
The hotel has grill area, many pools because they are more than 1 building, fitness center, a big parking area for each building, transportation services and a lot of activities that you can join. Even when a lot of people come with kids, you dont hear they from your room. You dont hear any sound at all.
When we came to the hotel Mike had some things on the table. The first thing he did was show me all the cards he has got for us and told me wich were mine. He has been excited about we try this new hobby together since months and he wanted to see my reaction when I see all my stuff. I have not played this game before so He didnt know if I would like it, but anyway always he got something for him he got the same for me. I love this about him, he isnt selfish at all with me, and whatever I want or whatever he thinks I would like, he tries to give me.
We went to Walmart to buy food, water, coffee, my cookies!!! etc. After that we went to Buffalo Wings Wild to pick pur order. I feel that this time my chicken is more spicy than before so although I was very hungry, I didn't finish my dinner. After eat we watch a chapter of It's always sunny in Philadelphia then we slept.
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 I woke up at 8.30 am and couldn't sleep again, so at 9.30 I got up, I had breakfast and left to buy some things.
I bought some pills to protect my stomach, it doens't hurts but since I woke up early I know I'll drink a lot of coffee until get Florida.
I'm not sure about what I should eat today, maybe a salad and some fruits.

I will work in the newsletter now, then have a shower. Maybe I will lay few hours before start to get dressed and ready to leave.
The taxy will come for me at 00.30am to go to the airport.

Yesterday at night Michael messaged me "I start driving". OMG!! he was leaving 1 day early!! I spammed him saying that I'm not getting Florida until Sunday, he told he knows but he should do the check-in on Saturday. Few minutes later he changed his mind, he drive back to home, and told me he will call to the hotel and let them know that he will be there later. After it he went to sleep, and I think he's still sleeping since he doesn't answer my messages. He has to drive for 11 hours or more so I'm glad he changed his mind and got good rest before drive.

nattalie: (Default)
 I'm so busy latelly!!!! Doing so much at work, getting ready to go with Mike to Florida, working on my projects and taking care about myself.

I'm in love with the peeling. It works very well. The acid is perfect for my skin. I'll wait till come back from vacations to do the second session. 
I'm a little lazy to do workout because as usual the climate change make me feel so bad, it's allergy season for me, but I'm still doing few exercises and the good thing is after I lost 11 pounds I didn't it get back 

At work, too much to do. My coworker who is in charge of our department can't take any kind of decision. He keeps coming to me to ask what he should do for every single thing. I'm not going to do his work. If he doesn't have experience to do this he should admite it and be trained.
The fat boy is being more and more annoying. He keeps burping, poking his nose and cleaning his hear with a key. So gross... and last week he didn't shower for at least 4 days, our office smells always very bad because him. The bad thing is my desk is in front of his desk, so I can't avoid to see how he pokes his nose all day long. Most part of the day he does nothing and he also pretend we stop working to see the videos he wants to show us and we read the jokes he finds on internet. It's so sad to see a man 44 yo acting like a teen, very pathetic.

Mike is very excited to see me again, he seems happy  I feel happy too. We're making plans. Maybe we go again to Universal Studios, he had fun there and we still have 1 park to see. We will go to some amusement and waterpark. I'm trying to get info about places but seems the parks there aren't big. On Monday and Tuesday prolly we will go to Clearwater beach since it will be sunny. Just 5 days to go!!!  So good this Friday and Saturday I don't work then I can get enough sleep before fly, and I can get ready without rush.
I want get something for Mike, I don't know yet what, but I want give something to him from here.
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Mike got a new addiction: Magic Cards. He bought more cards, sleeves, dices, and he also sorted all my cards in an album. He has spent more than 250usd last month buying cards. And he's going to make playmats for us, I would love it! bbg.jpg So far I chose play with black/blue deck and maybe he will plays with black/red.
We had an argument yesterday but as usual we fixed it talking. I like it about us. Always we have an argument our relationship become stronger.
It's summer and hot, I feel tired and still couldn't continue my workout yet. I feel weak, prolly cuz I keep losing weight even when I feel I don't. Everybody tell me I'm so thinny but I see myself normal to be honest. I still wanna get better legs and butt. However I need eat more to have energy to do exercises.
Work, still stressing. So many things to organize and to do, I still dealing with the shit that ex sales manager did, but at least I'm earning more money now and I can buy whatever I want!!!Just_Cuz_13.gif and in few days I'm getting the last pay rise. So far I boughy 2 pair of shoes and the gifts for Christmas. I have no bills and I'm saving money for next vacations with Mike. I'm looking for another pair of shoes to buy and a bag prolly. blush.gif
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Yesterday I did my exam. It was a busy day, I couldn't study nothing in my lunch time. It was very hot, 30+ , I was sleepy because the pills and my ovaries hurted. I didn't speak so much to Michael, I was not in the mood, and of course he was worried about something bad happens. When I left work I went to the Insitute and I did my test. The writing test I don't know if was fine, they still don't check it. For sure I did some mistakes because I couldn't study all the units... it was 12 units. But the speaking test I did very well!!! I got 9 out of 10!!!!!Just_Cuz_13.gifJust_Cuz_13.gifJust_Cuz_13.gifJust_Cuz_13.gif I finally can get some rest.

The pills... the softer is Alprazolam and the stronger Clonazepam. I really don't like taking it and cardiologist told me I can't take it because it make my heart slower, but I'm very stressed because the exam, because all the changes at work, because my period shame.gif, because Michael... I couldn't sleep at night, so I decided to take pills for now.  It kill my emotions... I'm not sad, not happy, not depressed, not worry, I don't care about nothing, and my mind can analize better the situations. michael doesn't like it at all, he says that I don't care about him, that pills kill my feelings and it's not good, he's so anxious, but for now I prefer keep taking it. The only I don't like is that although I take just 1/4 pill of Clonazepam this makes me sleepy all day long. Is very hard to me to wake up and the first days I almost passed out, so now I'm taking the softer pill to not be late at work.Zzz.gif
btw.. Mike changed his wsap pic and put my pic... now some boys he has in his contact list started to say things to him because they think it's a girl happy0196.gif he's getting mad but this is funny!!!
nattalie: (Default)
Mike got the gift for xmas! Just_Cuz_13.gif When he got home he told me "baby, I got a present!!!" I'm very happy because delivery from eBay sent it very fast and shipping was free!!!. Conversely I will not get my box until 2 or 3 months because Customs here works sooooo sloooowly 97.gif and when they give me the box that Mike sent to me I have to pay taxes... it will be like 60 usd or more (50% of the total price). They give a shit if this is a gift that someone send to me, but Mike was so excited about getting make up for me that I don't care if I have to pay taxes for it. He really did it with love and every day he asks to me if I got my box. Mike spoil me so much and I love it happy0196.gif

I got a coffeemaker to make the coffee I bought in Florida. It is a basic coffeemaker but enought for me. coffeebath.gif

Xmas gift

Dec. 5th, 2016 01:49 pm
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Good news! Michael is going to get the box today!!!!!! I tracked the order and it is out for delivery. I'm so happy! 

Xmas gift

Nov. 29th, 2016 06:24 pm
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Today Mike found a new electric toothbrush that he would like to have, he said he should get it for himself as xmas gift sooooo I went fast to amazon and I bought it for him 😊 When he realized what I was doing he told me to not get it because it is expensive but I don't care!!! I really want get something for him and it wast almost 200usd wich I can afford to spend for him 🤑 I paid also for they prepare it as gift and I added a card. So bad Mike didn't tell me before about this brush then I could get it without he realizes, but anyway I'm happy cuz he will get smt from me that he will love. The brush seems very nice and it has bluetooth. It save alot of info about how you brush your teeth, where place of your mouth you do more or less preassure, etc. It is Oral-B 8000 Genious Pro.
He will get the gift in 1 week 😻
The good about this gift is that he will uses it every day 😊

nattalie: (Default)
I can't complain, I had a good day. At morning a coworker got to me some sweets. I worked in the e-learning plataform and it's almost done, at least what I need to show in the anual meeting the next week. I showed to sales manager and he loves it! Now I have 2 more topics to prepare for the meeting in just one week!!!! 146fs495919.gif
Mike had day off because thanksgiving so he went to the store and he bought Magic Cards. I've never played it, but we are excited! He found his old cards but he bought new for both and he opened it to see what we got. He made videos of all my cards so I can control he didn't cheat on me happy0196.gif

This are Mike's old cards

And this are the new cards

The box has 285 cards

We will play online until I go there. I need learn the rules and the cards to can make a nice deck. I think Mike will win always because he is very smart but I don't care, I love doing things together.


Nov. 24th, 2016 02:57 pm
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I don't know how I feel after a very bad night. I got an answer about something I was asking since 1 year. Well I already knew the answer but I was waiting the confirmation. So it didn't surprise me at all... but for some reason I got scared as hell, drained, and empty. Then I ran away...
But Michael didn't let me go, he doesn't let me give up. Such amazing person, he never let me alone.
I'm still scared, but as he said, we have to work together on this, we can fix all.
Something that surprised me is that he wants learn Spanish and my culture bbg.jpg


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