The Unbearable Lightness of Being

This is what happened this week at work. My boss and coworker were waiting for me to come back to the trip because boss can't decide what to do with a bidding. There is an important company, Techint, who is looking for someone to do a big work of torque. This is the 4th time they open a bidding and nobody are able to do an offer. We've analized this bidding every time and we concluded that we have not the people nor the tools to do the job, so we try Techint buys the tools and do the job with their workers. While I was at the trade show they got the bidding, and we already knew that we can't do the job so sales manager said we wont send an offer. This time Techint wants to do the job in just 3 days, working 24 hours in 3 different places, so we need at least 6 crews of 2 operators each one to do the job + 6 set of tools + backup tools. No way for us to do that. Sales manager who is on vacations at Italy changed his mind and called to the seller to tell him that we were going to do an offer for the job. He wanted to send every single male worker that the company has to do the job and he wanted to use our tools and complete the set with tools from our customers which are in our workshop.... this means the company won't do any of the usual works for a whole week, plus the risk that if one tool get broken we will have to pay it for new to our customer.

My coworker who stayed at the office repleacing me told to my boss that anyways they needed to wait for me because noone, even sales manager, knows how to do an offer for a bidding.... my boss said then that she was going to wait for me to tell her what we should do about the job. She didn't trust her fucking sales manager "Mr Engineer in renewable energies" so let's wait for the only person who showed common sense in this damn company: me. When I read the bidding conditions, all the legal stuff that we should have to do the work, all the people and the tools that we need to do I told to my boss it's obviously that sales manager didn't read any shit before take a decision. I told her that we don't have a way to do the job so she said "ok then we won't do it". Plus I told to my boss that there is the guy from the company which does maintenance at height (the guy is also my customer because I do his website, brochures, etc) with who our company was talking to do together torque jobs at height, but now this guy told me that he deals with sales manager to do any kind of torque jobs. This means that this company with us are competing with our sellers in that area, and of course our sellers aren't happy at all because they will lose the commission of those jobs!!! Sellers already had a tough conversation with the guy from the other company and everybody is unhappy. My boss said that she doesn't know what sales manager agreed with the other company but she believes we were going to do together JUST those works that we could not do alone. I WANT TO SLAP HER! And why the hell it's me who always say to her what the fuck is going on in her company because she has not fucking idea????

Ok maybe I'm overacting but this is how I feels the things. I spend Monday to Wednesday catching up with delayed tasks. I was very very tired but doing my best as usual. Oh, smelly guy decided he wants to work again in my office so he's installed in a desk in front of my desk, eating rice cakes and showing me that he tries to cut smoking. I think he didn't understand that he needs do it for himself and not to get my approval. Whatever.

Thursday at morning, the guy from the workshop came into my office to tell me that we didn't bring the cutter back from the trade show. I said to him "yes we bring it back". "NO, you didn't. I asked to Lucas and he said that you guys didn't bring the cutter back". I took a breath.. "yes, we bring it back. Did lucas check all the boxes that were in the van?" "I don't know but you didn't bring it back!!!" It was annoying to argue with someone who wants to tell me what I did or what I didn't in a place were he was not at, so to end the argument I reply "well then the cutter is lost". The guy left my office very upset, then I called to the seller who were at the trade show and asked him if he took the cutter in his bag, he said he didn't. I told to smelly guy maybe it's inside the tools box, so he went to check it, there was not the cutter. Then I said to him last time I saw the cutter it was inside a bag with other tool and his cellphone, in the van. He went to the van to check and found it. It took us 10 minutes to find the cutter. Meanwhile the guy from workshop went to my boss, comaplined about this and send an email to the whole company with copy to my boss saying that he has just few toold to work and if we took it away letting to him an old tool he can't do his work correctly, that nobody else can take any tool without ask to him first and people will need to sign a form when he gives us a tool, and if we lose it whe have to pay the tool with our money... JESUS IT WAS A FUCKING CUTTER.

I got upset about the email but I decided not to answer. Smelly guy who is enmity with this other guy wrote an answer and showed it to me, I said I was not going to reply, so I think he cancel his email. I saw him going to my boss office twice, then comming back and he told me "well... all is our fault" "what are you talking about?" I asked. He said : "you and me, we are guilty". Wait a fucking minute... did you went to talk with boss and she said that it's our fault about the cutter and the other guy is right??? YES said smelly guy.

I lost my mind, I got in rage, I got pissed as fuck, I was ready to quit this stupid fucking job full of childish people. I open the email and I wrote an answer saying to this guy that I'm sorry he wasted time from his work writing an email when we found the cutter in less than 10 minutes. That all the things that we took to the trade show we did with our boss permission who was there with us looking all the things that we were packing. That I celebrate the decision of the company to start caring its patrimony and I have no problem to sign any form to formalize my responsability and commitment with the company but I doubt that I'll take anything else because my work environment is the sales office. And talking about taking care of patrimony I asked what we were going to do with the spare of the customer's tool that he lost in the workshop and which noone can explain where it's for what they decided to give to the customer a spare that is from the company's stock, a situation that become usual in our company.

I was shaking because the rage while writing the email, I tried to calm down but I could not. I knew if I send the email I was going to start a war inside the company so I send it to my boss and her daughter adding that it was the email that I wanted to send but I didnt, and that I was leaving work and going from home because I know myself very well and I was about to quit job and I'm not someone who quit a job in this way. I told them that I can't continue working under all this stress and I understand if they cut the day from my salary. Then I got up and I left work without say even Good bye.

I turned off my cellphone and I went to the school to pick Martu. I got new problems at the school but I wont talk about that now. This took me hours to calm down, and my body hurted because the stress. I was drained. Hours later I checked work email and there was a reply from boss saying that the problem was not with me and they are happy with my work, and I should not get involved in other people problems. It seems she has not idea that workshop guy was claiming the cutter to me, not to smelly guy. I was the one who took it. Next day, Friday, I decided not to work, I was not ready to go to the office so I stayed at home and I did nothing at all.

Today wen I turned on my cellphone I got messages from boss who yesterday asked me if something happened to me (because I was not working). It seems she didn't understand when I told her that I was about to quit because the stress is fucking my mental health up. Also I got messages and lost calls from smelly guy. When I got the office he tried to talk to me, asked me if I was fine, I said yes I am, then I ignored him and the rest of my coworkers. When boss got the office I say Godd morning to her but it seems she didnt hear me and next time she saw me she said "GOOD MORNING,,, OR NOT????" I replied that I already said hello to her before, and it was all that she and me talked today. She didn't even ask if I was ok. I don't know if she just don't care or she's afraid to talk to me and I end quiting job.

I'm not going back to work until Wednesday because national holiday. The break will be nice, I'm going to train my mind to give a shit about this bloody job and go there just to do the minimum work and get my money as my coworkers do.

I'm writing this while I eat a sandwich at the desk because as usual I'm doing almost all the work alone, so there is not time to take a break for lunch. Sales manager is trying to deal with some issues but I have to assist him with all because he works from his home (far away) and because he's new.

So here I am, doing quotes, answering the phone, organizing the logistics, making purchase orders, carrying out import procedures, processing sales, calculating sales commissions, and a lot of tasks from other departments.

This week that administrative boss is on vacations, sales manager and I realized and this guy stopped paying debts. We have debts with our main provider, Fedex, and I don't know who else. Why he did it? nobody knows, my boss said she didn't know about this. I'm pissed at her. One year ago after the former sales manager quit and became an associate seller, I tried to organized sales department and told to my boss she must control debts, collections, sales and commissions without exception because those are the critical points of the company. She didn't listen to me, and she put on charge of our department a coworker who did and still does nothing (and this is why she should move him to other position). Now she regrets but it is too late to cry.

I'm waiting for her to come back from her trip. I want to talk to her and to sales manager. We start doing a professional work or I am out, I am tired to wasting my time with inept people.

I waste the first week of this year being lazy. I didn't study, not exercised, not worked on projects, I didnt read any book...at work I barely can take a break but when I get home, I don't know where the time goes.
I feel weird, tired, weak.. not sure if I'm depressed, if this is because weather, or maybe because my hormones, but I feel weird. My body feels swollen and also hurts, this hardly ever happens to me!!! I feel heavy but the body scale says I weight 123 lbs. I really hope it just be something hormonal,

Things at work are going well for us, which means I have more and more tasks to do. We got ride of all those people who were stealing money from the company. Now they are selling another brand of tools which is cheaper than the brand we sell, so they became our competitors, but today we made a deal with that cheap brand to sell their tools too.. we are going to mess with all those motherfuckers that fucked us up. Probably I'll need to make a new website to sell the other tools but I don't think I can do that without take vacations first. I'll collapse.
I'm working to make them lose their contract with that brand of tools. I should be detective, I always find the others dirty business!
Today we setted a code for the alarm for me because my boss will give me the key of the office.

( Shopping therapy )
I started watching Mindhunters. So far I like it, this is for me always interesting to know and understand other people minds, even the mind of assassins.

I slept 5 hours then I crawled to work feeling tired and weak. Awful way to start the year. At noon I ate a salad then I went to the post office to send the last order I sold. It was 93F outside, a little hot but nice. I caught some Pokemons that I didn't have. 

I got just the 50% of my tasks done today.  The last hour at work was really hard to stay awake. I forced myself to not do shopping. It start to be annoying, I'm really good to manage my money but latelly I just want to buy things.... what is wrong with me???  I was about to buy a bracelet, I also went into the store. I looked all the bracelets and I also got one that I liked... I didn't buy it today but I'm afraid that this week I'll go for it.

I have this sensation, like anxiety, but it's not... I'm tired but I don't want to sleep, I want to do workout but I'm tired .. I'm not hungry but I wan't to eat...

I ate sweet cherries then I wanted something else... I got coffee with chocolate cookies 



Now I read LJ while I do bike because I feel guilty about the cookies 

 Oh god I am so fucking pissed...

Today went I got work people were histeric, I asked what was going on then they asked me if I read the email my boss sent last night... I didn't... so the other girl who works with me sent me to read it... I was scared thinking my boss was going to close the company. She is not... but the news were not better in my opinion.

As she told me, she got a person with universitary title to lead sales department (my department). But it is not a new employee as I thought, and this person is not someone with a title on administration or marketing... the new "sales manager and commercial director" is one of our sellers (who hardly ever can close a sales) and his title is "Engineer in renewable energies" 

My reaction (and so good my boss is away for a week) was like "are you fucking kidding me????"  I hope I be wrong but I don't think this guy will be able to organize a shit. First of all his experience "in international companies" was making projects to build wind farm. So, someone explain to me please what the hell this has to do with setting sales objetives, making a plan to get those goals, implement a sales strategy, etc.
And what pissed me off more is my boss told me the new manager won't work with me at the office because sales manager will go here and there to see clients and sellers (and because he lives in the other side of our country), and she is not sure if she will hire someone else to help me... so seems she thinks I will do the job of 2 person but get the salary of 1.... or maybe no, nobody fucking know because she is not sure what she wants to do, and because she is changing her mind every fucking day.

I should keep calm and wait till she comes back in a week and ask to her what her plans are. But for sure I can say she has not idea about manage a company, she doesn't even know the products we sell!! and it is obviously she is impromptu.  If she thought that people will respect this guy just because his title she was wrong... all my coworkers were saying that this guy has not idea about the position he got. 

I know I could do the job pretty decent, but I didnt expect she put me ahead of the office because the sellers that still steal in our company won't respect me at all. I am not upset about she looks for a new person, in fact I told her it was a good idea because this person can take drastic decistions and people will need follow him. But I didn't ever expect she put our worse seller (and his friend) to lead all the fucking company.

Really this country is full of mediocre people and fuckers and I am tired to get fucked up by them. I will start to look for new jobs and keep working on my own projects instead squeeze my mind trying to find solutions for a company which its owner is ruining.

 I'm so pissed at work because my bosses are being inconsistent. In this story we have my boss, her daughter, "GF" the ex sales manager who is now our associate seller , "DE" an associate seller who stole money from the company in complicity with GF, "DB" the superman boy who before was working in the depot and my boss chose to work with me at sales department.

I found that GF and DE were stealing money from the company through the payment of commissions. This happened because GF could do whatever he wanted and my boss NEVER controlled him. He cut sales prices in 20% and made the company lost alot of money, and other bad deals for the company wich made him earn money. GF and DE besides stealing they tried to buy the company few months ago, but my boss said No. I can't understand how she didn't realize she was sleeping with the enemy.... despite all of that she didn't controlled nothing at all 
When i found all the shit that was going on and I show to my boss, we were agree that it can't happens again, and that it was very bad idea centralize everything in just one person. My coworker, DB, who hasn't experience about strategic planning and organization, started to complain about everything and he stopped working as team. He has an attitude and we warm our boss about that. In the last meeting this week I said in his face that he told me that the work he has to do isn't what company offered to him, and I said that our tasks are delayed because we couldn't organize. My boss told us that we have lack of communication and she gave an example wich she thought it was me who broke the communication but I told her she was wrong, it wasn't me because I copy my coworker in every single mail. He admitted that he usually doesn't copy me and that he deal all by phone with the sellers without tell me 

My boss' daughter is member of the quality committee and she's working to migrate the company from ISO9001:2008 to ISO9001:2015. She chose me to work on this and she said she wants we all in the company try to make the things better, not just to get the certificate. So she told us to DB and me we have to read the Sales department policies. I did.... DB didn't. I also started to work on the things that the policies says that we have to do in our department. 
The incoherence here is my bosses said "we won't put again all on just one person" but they are going to do it again, the difference is GF knew how to do the work (and for this reason he could steal money)... DB doesn't know how to do the work and he thinks he knows all and the the rest of the people in the company are useless.
Boss' daughter chose me to work in the sales policies then she asked to DB to do the things that policies said we have to do, even when he didn't know the policies. She wants better communication but they worked on this objetives without copy me in any mail at all. I don't want seems arrogant, but this guy really doesn't have experience. He did his analysis to set the sales objetives using wrong dates , so all his statics were wrong. I pointed this in the meeting and i showed them the right numbers, because I did the fucking analysis since the girl makes me work on the policies for the ISO9001, they look the number I had, asked me how I get that info, then they continue talking about the objetives with the wrong analysis , and without consider: expectations of industry growth, government policies, competitors, etc. They analisis was something like : "X seller sold X machines in 2015, and X machines in 2016.... well let's ask to him to sell XX in this year"
I know how things are going to end. They will make me do all the administrative work that this guy doesn't wanna do, while he plays to be a manager even when still has no idea what are the functions of sales department. And since im very good with process they will want I do all the operative work. 
And i'm trying to convince myself that the best for me is just do the specific things they tell me to do, even when I know there are a lot of things, that since sales manager turned in a seller, nobody is doing.

 What the hell is wrong with this year???  I can't believe all the shit that is going on.  As if the rob were not enough, last saturday night Flor called me to say someone was trying to go into her house and she didn't know what to do! I called the police and a taxy, then I called her to say I was on my way.  Suddenly Flor heard noise at the door again then I couldn't hear her anymore, I just heard like someone yelling. I was on panic, running to the taxy, screaming on the phone... the call ended. I tried to call her but phone was off or out service, I tried again, and again and again... then Flor answered. Communication was distorted and make that noise... god I almost had heart attack! 
When I got her house police were there... 4 patrol cars. They didn't find anyone around but I take Flor to my house. I don't know if what they heard was real, but I knew something was wrong. I found what it is yesterday. It worries me and hurts me so much. So I'm thinking how to help her.
I'm not sure what I will to do about her situation yet. She is going to ruin her life and of course she won't admite it. But all of this is more than I can hold right now. Too much stress, too many issues... and it's hard dont fall into depression. I fight against my mind to stay strong, to keep calm, to have a positive attitude. But this got fucked up when a motorcycle hit me this morning!!! This mother fucker didn't stop at the red light when I was crossing the street!!!! Son of bitch, I didn't fall down but he hit my arm badly,  my neck and back hurt because I pushed him away with all my strength. Really????? I had to had an accident too?????  well... at least it was not serious. But I feel dizzy all the morning and body hurt... it was hard to work. Michael tried to do my day better but i got a better way to change my day.

After work I went shooping then I got home. I rest a little and I did workout, I took a shower and I took care of myself. If you are sad... GO SHOPPING!!! 



Yes, I went to Avon shop again. The liquid soap disappoint me a little. I thought the smell was going to stay on my skin but it is mild.Anyway this soap is moisturizer and i like it . The clear skin I will know if this work after try it for few days. The peel of mask is so weird! it seems like glue when I put on my skin, but seems it works. The argan and coconut oil I just bought it cuz the smell >.< it makes me remember the days on the beach with Mike.

Despite I slept just 4 hours it was a decent day untill I got work. I spent the first 40 minutes at work listening to my coworker complaining about everything and talking about he didn't want come to work today. I really can't understand people in this fucking country. He got better position and salary but he just complain about every single tasj he has to do now... and I have to hear all his QQ every day. Annoying as hell.
And he keeps that stupid attitude trying to act like sales manager does. He is a very quiet guy but since he was moved to my office he started to talk very loudy at phone... same than sales manager does. I told him today, is there in your corner any acustic issue wich make ppl talk so loudy at phone as sales manager does? he replied " oh ... ha ha no.... but I can't hear well maybe bad signal here." so I said "well, that is curious since I heard from here all that the guy was saying to you   "
I had to put headphones on to not hear all his complaining and his ugly music he listen to without headphone like if he is alone in the office
In the other hand he got upset because I was doing some important quote and I didn't stop doing this to do his work wich he still doesn't learn to do. I said to him I was very delayed with my quote because Technical Service tooks 10 days to enter the data in the system... not my fault.