nattalie | Entries tagged with michael

Yesterday I had day off :D it was a excellent day. Michael called me to wake me up at 10.30 am, it was nice to wake up to his voice. We were on the phone for 30 minutes then I got up.

The weather was perfect, sunny and 64F+, so I got coffee and I spend a couple of hours sitting next to the balcony, enjoying my cacti and the sun. By 4pm I cleaned the house and I worked on my projects and designs. I got many things done.

After dinner I took care of myself. I did my facial peeling and I exfoliated the skin of my body, it feels soooo soft now! Today I plan to paint my hair, get my manicure done, exercise and have an IPL session. I should buy something to the bath, like mineral salts or bath foam.

I've so many things to do before going to see Michael on August that I should make a to-do and to-buy list on my bullet journal. I want to look decent so I need to push harder with workout, practise more English, take care of my body and also save money to spend there. That last is not easy lately for me, I keep buying things. The last week I bought a new parfum which I like, it's cheaper than international parfums and it stay long on my skin. I'm really happy with this parfum, it's perfect to use everyday then I can save the good parfums to use for special days.

Another stuff that I bought is a box for store the stationery things and new markers which I can do fake lettering :D

Current Mood: happy

Today it's bloody cold! 8ºF at morning and right now it's 12ºF. Ok it's not sooooooo cold I know but remember that my heart beats slow then I'm always cold, even on summer.

I got the boots, I'm in love with them . My feet look small with those boots :D

There are some stuff that Michael wants to get for me: Swell bottle, fitbit, and matching underwear Meundies.

Today I chose the bottle, 25 oz, purple and blue. I really love the color

then Michael made me choose the Fitbit, and I liked this one

We will wait until he loses more weight to look for underwear. This week he lost 11 pounds and I'm really happy that finally he started to care himself. He's also looking for new job and already had some interviews. He's doing courses to develope apps, working slowly to leave his comfort zone... it's amazing, I feel proud of him. All that he needed was someone who support him, who trust him. I love to see how people growth, how they become better, how they can do amazing things with their lifes.

Time for designing and drinking coffee before my fingers freeze!

Current Mood: happy

Michael wants we go on vacation so we are planning it. Probably tomorrow I'll buy the ticket to get discount because the hot sale. We are going to Orlando in August. We want to go closer to Clearwater, Tampa but we couldn't get any resort for that month in that area so I guess we will book again an apartment in Vacation Village at Parkway, Kissimmee. I love that resort very much so I don't mind, it's 2 hours away from the beach though. We will stay there more days than usual :)

I got moody early while we were deciding the date to go on vacation, it always happens to me because I get stressed looking the price of the tickets which can change +-400 usd from one day to other. Dollar keeps raising its price. On friday it was $23,10 and today it cost $25,50. I'm lucky that I'm hard worker and good for saving.

Current Mood: happy

I enjoyed so much these 4 days at home. A lot of things done, I can't complain. Self care, house cleaning, projects, hobbies, relax. Last night I watched 1 episode of Criminal minds but it doesn't get my attention so I started watchin Money Heist although I don't like Spanish series. This one seems good. At 3 am I was ready for sleep but there was a party next to the building, loudy music, so much noise to sleep so I did a facial mask and I feel asleep around 4 am.

So bad today I woke up at 10 am....for some reason I had the feeling that Michael was not working so I messeged him. I was right, he didn't go to work today because he was dizzy. I asked him if he was going to see a Dr and he said no because it's not free. I got so mad at him! He always feel bad but he never wants to go to Dr because it's expensive, then he spent money in online games, books or buying gifts for other people. How can all those things be more important than his health? but I'm the asshole because I want he go to the Dr... so I am. Maybe I'm an asshole too because I am who realized about his apnea and because my fault he had to see a Dr who confirmed this and wants to run a sleep test (which Michael still doesn't do because it's expensive) *rolleyes*

A good therapy to do when you are pissed is to clean the house so I spend many hours doing that. It's annoying all the dust around the house because the buildings that they build in this same block. There is nothing I can do about, just clean.

I came to the computer after dinner to answer some emails, work a little in the websites and paint my nails. I want to watch another episode of Money Heist but it's getting late so I'll instead do English lesson then sleep

Current Mood: tired

I'm in excellent mood today because I worked from home lalalala. I'm more efficient working here that when I work from the office. I made ground coffee instead instant coffee, blueberry one!

Michael called this morning, another reason to be in good mood. We are always making jokes and laughing. Last weekend he started to run. He did on Saturday and Sunday but not yesterday because his legs sore so much. I'm so happy to see him working on himself :)

I got a new project with websites. My customer wants an online store so I have so much work to do the next weeks. It's good that we have some days off because Easter so I can work just on this project those days.

Now I'll try work on my bullet journal then I'll work on the websites at night.

Oh! Yesterday I got some stuff for home: 2 pillows and a glass jar for flowers.

Current Mood: happy

I want to write about some things that are going on last days but I didn't find time to write about.

Michael updated his resume and he applied for a new job. I can't believe that he finally stopped being afraid of everything! He's not happy with his actual job since long time but he was afraid to look for new job and realized that nobody wants hire him, afraid to fail. I hope he gets a better job, it will helps him a lot to build confidence. He also started working on his agenda to add some things that he wants to do, like losing weight, doing exercise, start his own project again. He also is tracking is sleeping with Fitbit and this scares us. The first day, in 6 hours of sleeping he woke up 21 times (1h 6m total) and he slept deeply just 45 minutes. This explain why he is always tired and irritated doesn't matter how many hours he sleeps. He's afraid he will have a heart attack in this way. Anyway he's being lovely with me. Oh, the flowers he sent me for Valentines lasted many days!

The friend and the business partner of my mother keep messaging me to invite me to hang out. The friend is pissing me off, he push so much and keep using the phrase "because at weekend you are alone" to forced me to do something with him. Now he changed his tactic and he "is worried because I'm having hard time and he wants to help me" WTF... who said that I'm having hard time? I can complain about work or how expensive things are here but it doesn't mean that I'm bad and having hard time, I don't need his help at all. This man is really obssesive, that is a very good reason for not to be his friend.

Martu started middle school this week, she was excited about! So bad her enthusiasm will not last long and soon I'll struggle with waking her up early. This year she will have Yoga, Chess and signing Coral, I hope she likes it. I love to see how she grows up, she's doing so well. I leave her in the school at 7pm then I go to work. I get work 1 hour early which means that I'm alone until my coworkers get the office and go home 1 hour early :D

There are new potential customers who want to buy a website. One website is for an online radio and the other is to sell clothes. Let's see if I can get them :)

Since many years what I enjoy most of the Valentine's Day are the memes and jokes about single people (like me). I'm not as romantic as I used to be when I was young and I stop caring about special dates, even about my birthday.

At 2 am I got a message from Michael, saying Happy Valentine's Day before he went to sleep. That message, and the memes in social networks, were the only thing different on a normal Wednesday.

After work I went to home and I was getting the entrance of the building when a man with a big bouquete of flowers rang the bell of my apartment. He look at me and ask "Natalia?" yes, it's me.... then he gave the flowers and he left.

A quick look at the note attached to the flowers to know who sent them: Michael!

( ... )
I was so confused. How he bought them? how he paid for them? How did he communicate with the florist if he doesn't speak Spanish at all? how he found a store around my city when he barely remember my address?

I love the flowers although the white one are not in bloom yet, they will last more days! It's so nice to know that he spent time looking for a way to make my day special :)

Current Mood: loved

This has been a long week, full of tasks, full of meetings. I'm tired, delayed with my and other journals, and I could not write about my week yet. But i need to write how much I loved the book "Pride and Prejudice".

It was so big my interest for this book that I read while walking home today, and when I get home I laid down in the bed and didn't get up until I finished reading reading the book.

I loved Lizzy and the way that she sees, acts and analizes things. Some of her reflections were sad but it would be foolish to deny reality just because we do not like what we see. I loved Darcy too, he was proud and haughty yes, but with noble feelings and humble to admite his wrong things and become better person. I don't like those men who are always flirting to a woman, maybe because my ego doesn't need be fed, and I don't like arrogant men but Darcy knew when change it so him became my ideal man lol. Where is my Darcy??!!

Talking about men, this morning I had a nice surprise. Just after I got work, my phone rang, it was Michael. I was surprised that he decided to call me while he was driving to work. We chat every day but we hardly even talk by phone because It's so hard for me to understand his English and to talk in his language that I feel uncomfortable and I usually stay on silence. But today I could understand 95% of all that he said! I just didn't get when he said "stop stir your coffee!" and it was because until today I didn't know the word "stir". I also could have a fluid conversation with him and I felt very comfortable. We talked for at least 30 minutes, he made my day :)

Last week when Michael went to the bookstore to buy Origin, he told me that he was buying a book for me: the subtle art of not giving a fuck.
I can guess why he got that book for me. I'm sure he thinks that the book is about not worrying so much about issues. He says that when something in my day goes bad I feel like if all my world falls down.

I just researched about the book and I could not help smiling.

"In this generation-defining self-help guide, a superstar blogger cuts through the crap to show us how to stop trying to be "positive" all the time so that we can truly become better, happier people. For decades, we’ve been told that positive thinking is the key to a happy, rich life. "F**k positivity," Mark Manson says. "Let’s be honest, shit is f**ked and we have to live with it."

“The opposite of every other book. Don’t try. Give up. Be wrong. Lower your standards. Stop believing in yourself. Follow the pain. Each point is profoundly true, useful, and more powerful than the usual positivity. Succinct but surprisingly deep, I read it in one night.” — Derek Sivers, Founder of CD Baby and author of Anything You Want: 40 Lessons for a New Kind of Entrepreneur

I'm not someone who likes giving up, and I hate to lower my standards. I do believe in myself but people says that I am negative because I am very realistic. I wonder what effect this book will have on me but I think it won't work in the way that Michael expect :D

Current Mood: chipper

I had another night of bad dreams. I was walking across a bridge going to somewhere when a guy grabbed my ass, and he didn't want to leave me. Another guy who was with him was walking to me also and I got scared trying to get away. Not sure how I did but they left me alone, maybe because there were more people walking next to us. In some point of the dream I went to a kindergarden. I enter to a room to talk with the teacher, but theplace looked more like a corral. I spoke to the woman and when I was leaving the room I realized that it was flooded and the water covered the children who were sitting... but they were alive. I kept going there and here all the dream, but I barely remember more than that.

Finally my coworker who was on vacations and my boss came back. After get work, I drink a coffee then I went to talk with my coworker update him about his tasks. My boss called me to talk in her office and we spend 1 hour talking about how things were the 2 weeks she was away. I told her it was very stressful for me because I keep doing everybody else's work, and I explained to her all the problems I got. She says she will fire the guy from the depot and she also complained about the 2 administrative employees. I asked for 1 week of vacations in February and she wrote to sales manager and to the guy who shares office with me for they cover me.

I should start calculating commissions but I could not do it today, so busy with quotes. Tomorrow my coworker leaves the office for 2 days because a trip so again I'll be alone trying to do quotes and commissions same time, and I need to finish it before Friday, then try to update price list. I was so busy that I couldn't read journals on my lunch time... I don't even remember when I had lunch today.

In the other hand there was Michael messaging me. Every time that we talk we argue because I am always mad at him. Yesterday he proposed to read a book together, and since I bought Origin but I didn't start reading it yet, he will buy the same book and we will read it. To be honest I dont' care so much about him, I am tired of waiting for he to decide what he wants and shows some interest. I am being rudely honest with him and that piss him off. I'm sorry, not my problem.

He told me I need stop being angry but this is his fault. I told him we are like "The black cat" story by Edgar Allan Poe, when he is the alcohol for me. He said that he is the cat because he is bad luck and I replied that he is the alcohol, making me mad and ruining my life! "That's pretty nice..." he said.... lol

I still was mad so I told him more truths that he always prefer not to talk about and he saids I need stop being angry always... well I'll stop being angry when I move away from you :)

Anyway we will start reading the book today.

Current Mood: angry

I had a long and busy day. I had to do my work plus my coworker work. For more than 1 year he's doing a poor work, we are not happy with him. Today I spent many hours fixing his shit. Sales manager called me to add more tasks to my schedule. and I told him that I have my own priorities.
When I got to work fat ass was at the door, he looked at me and said "Do whe have any meeting today???" It's not that he cares if we have any or not, but this is the way he uses to can say that I look nice today. I wore black pants and a new white shirt, high heels and make up. pretty normal clothes for working in an office, stop fucking stare at me. I replied in a rude way that as far as I know there is not any meeting then I walked into the office leaving him behind. (New people who read my journal can believe I am conceited and paranoid girl, but this guy is always harassing me.)

Daniel, who is back from his trip, will help me with quotes. I heard him all the morning saying how tired he is, how much he needs vacations (he already has one week off last month), and complaining about everything as usual. At noon they sent him to deliver an order so I ended alone doing all the fucking job.
The plan is that Daniel does the quotes while I update the price list (more than 10.000 products), but how he will help with quotes when he doesn't know how to calculate the new prices? So this mean I'll need tell him every single price losing focus on my task.

Sales manager wants I design and send newsletters, he wants I design the next Facebook campaign, he wants I set the Adwords campaign, also I need update the brochures because they have wrong info and add more things to our website. All those tasks while I do quotes, while I update price list, while I do my coworker tasks, while I calculate commissions, and so on. Tomorrow my boss is going to travel to be with her daugther while she gives birth, another coworker leaves for vacation and next week fat ass will travel to give support to a new seller. Next weeks will suck for me.
It was enough that I said I want to take a week off next month to Daniel says he will too. I told to this motherfucker that if he wants to take vacations next month he will take first week because I am not going to cancel my vacations again. Sales manager told me also he wants vacations next month and I told him the same: I won't cancel my vacations again!

Today I wanted to uninstall whatsapp. One customer and his wife are looking for me to I set their outlook again in their computers. For some reason that I don't know the guy setted his email as IMAP account so this mean that the emails stay forever in the server. His email box keeps growning nonstop and I have to add more and more quota to it. Right now he has more than 1GB. He has emails that its size is more than 40MB each... WTF!!!!!! Few weeks ago I logged in his computer by teamviewer and I setted his account as POP3. He doesn't remember why he deleted it and he setted the account back to IMAP.

I could give unlimited space to him but I try to keep customers under control.

Another person who messaged me today: one of the ex sellers who stole us.

He wants that I work in some webpage for his golf teacher... really? kiss my ass motherfucker. I won't do any job for him.

And then there was Michael flattering me so much until make me pissed.. yes I got pissed with that. I told him he knows very well for me words without acts means nothing. As usual I was honest in the way that people hate about me. I was not angry but tired of this, we didn't argue just talking. He said that... oh well, I don't care anymore what he says, I just care about what he does.

Today is one of those days when I don't like humans and I would prefer to stay away from them.

The last complain for today... I gained 2 lbs more. I'm really messing with my eating so badly, skipping meals, eating fat, drinking coffee. I wanted to fix this a little today so before to come home I went to the greengrocery because I don't have any fruit or vegetables... it was closed because vacations

So my dinner was green tea with chocolate cookies. I cooked rice pasta for tomorrows lunch.

Current Mood: irritated
Crossposts: https://nattalie-m.livejournal.com/186201.html

I waste the first week of this year being lazy. I didn't study, not exercised, not worked on projects, I didnt read any book...at work I barely can take a break but when I get home, I don't know where the time goes.

I feel weird, tired, weak.. not sure if I'm depressed, if this is because weather, or maybe because my hormones, but I feel weird. My body feels swollen and also hurts, this hardly ever happens to me!!! I feel heavy but the body scale says I weight 123 lbs. I really hope it just be something hormonal,

Things at work are going well for us, which means I have more and more tasks to do. We got ride of all those people who were stealing money from the company. Now they are selling another brand of tools which is cheaper than the brand we sell, so they became our competitors, but today we made a deal with that cheap brand to sell their tools too.. we are going to mess with all those motherfuckers that fucked us up. Probably I'll need to make a new website to sell the other tools but I don't think I can do that without take vacations first. I'll collapse.
I'm working to make them lose their contract with that brand of tools. I should be detective, I always find the others dirty business!

Today we setted a code for the alarm for me because my boss will give me the key of the office.

( Shopping therapy )
I started watching Mindhunters. So far I like it, this is for me always interesting to know and understand other people minds, even the mind of assassins.

Current Mood: exhausted
Crossposts: https://nattalie-m.livejournal.com/181940.html

Yesterday after work it was raining heavily but it didn't stop me from shopping. In my defense I'll say that this was really necessary, since I did the diet none of all my pants fit me. I was so worry after I finish the diet with the side effects of eating normally again. Even though I don't eat the same things I used to eat, last 2 weeks I ate many times pizza, empanadas, cake, icecream and other junk food because the parties I had.
I try to not get obssesed with my weight but last week I gained 2 pounds and that was not funny... plus I am not doing my workout routine, just doing bike.
Yesterday it was the lunch for work so we went all together to a restaurant which serve barbecue. It's been a long time since I ate this so I was not going to deprive myself of this delicious meat. I also had french fries (after 2 months without eating potatoes) and for dessert I chose tiramisu. I felt so fat after it but happy :) It was hard to continue working so we all were sleepy looking forward to go home.
I found a store which sell very nice and not cheap clothes, but the fabric are very good quality and the designs are modern and cool. I tried 3 different models of pants and I got one which fit me, it's perfect for me!

I got very tired so I decided to watch series on Netflix. Someone from Michael's family decided to mess with my profile, I asked him if it was him and he said he was not, then he turned the profile back like I had it. I told him I could let the spot free if they need it and he said it was not necessary and he wanted I continue using it. Then we realized this person changed the profile again. I told him better I get my own account but he didn't want I pay another when he can give me it for free. He knows I don't need he pays anything for me and it is not like I can't pay 11usd monthly, but at this point he was yelling and bitching to his relative who was messing with us. Then I got kicked from the account and when I logged back, this person had delete my profile.

What a childish attitude!!! LOL I was not going to play that kids game with a person who never uses the account and who also could use any of the other profiles to watch just 1 serie in a year without change anything. I don't understand how adult people don't feel ashame acting like a spoiled kid

. The funny thing: it is Michael who pays the account, not his relative.

Michael kept saying he wants I use it because it was mine, he made a new profile for me and started to add my series back but I deleted it and told him the account doesn't matter, his money I do not care at all, but he needs start facing his problems, stop trying to comfort everyone and setting bounds to other people or everybody will keeps using him and doing with him whatever they wants. He got mad because I didn't want to use it again and said I know he has issues, then he changed the password and said now nobody can use it.

I know he is hurted because he tries to be nice with everybody to get their approval but some people give a shit about him and if they can fuck him up they will do it. He also knows that, but so far he could not get a way to fix it. I don't blame him, at his age I had the same problem and it took me years to can deal with it.
I can download the series for free from a website that a good boy from DW sent me last week (thanks marcelo), but I'm lazy as fuck to download utorrent then the episodes, and I like watching series on my tablet while I lay in the bed, so I'll get a Netflix account soon, but before do it I want take care of the courses I am doing. Today I passed the test of Digital Marketing course

Going back to the diet topic, today when I woke up and I weight myself I was ready to get 2 more pounds. With all the flour and fat I ate last days I expected it happens, but how big was my surprise when I got on the scale and I saw my weight is lower than ever!!!

I'm 122.7 lbs, how it happend??????
"My name is Nat, I have the faster metabolism alive (?)

"
Now I start to worry that I'm going to lose too much weight... will I need a diet to get fat? lol

Crossposts: https://nattalie-m.livejournal.com/174493.html

Last night I designed the flyer for my customer, then I had dinner while playing Magic Cards. Michael wanted to do something with me so I connected to his computer and we studied Swift 4 together for some hours (yes I know that sound very lame). I thought I was not going to understand anything at all but so far I understood everything, it was very basic things. We went to bed at 4 am.

Today I woke up at noon, I had coffee then I went to vote, we vote today senators and deputies. The voting center is few block away from home so I walked there. There were just 3 people in the line so it took me few minutes to vote and leave. I came back home and had another coffee.

Last night temperature dropped from 20+ to 10º C. This morning it was 11º and right now 17º. For tomorrow it will be from 11º to 21º. This weather is making my throat hurst

Crossposts: https://nattalie-m.livejournal.com/149900.html

Today is Michael's birthday and I almost forget it!

I did very good sending my gift days ago lol. So far it's the best gift he got lalalallala

What is not so nice is that he had a very shitty day at work. Everything in the lab got broken, literally everything, and he didn't know why. Last weekend his coworker made an update in the code and he left for vacations. Yesterday it was working fine but today it was the hell. Michael got pissed, frustrated and very stressed. I couldn't say anything to cheer him up

My day is meh. I woke up tired and I dealt with a lot of things at work. In some point of the day it was hard for me to breath, maybe because weather. Last days are hot and sunny, 22+, but it says tomorrow it will be rainy.
After work I went to the greengrocery and I bought a lot of vegetables and fruits, I really wanted to buy everything there. The seller told me "Girl, you are not going to walk with all those bags, are you? It's heavy!" I said "Don't worry, some workout is always good!" and I walked 4 blocks carrying almost 20 pounds lol
But look all what I got!!! my fav fruits: blueberry, strawberry, pineapple, kiwi, banana.... the apples are sooooo sooo red that I had to buy them. And I got asparagus!!!

Ok I know I sound crazy

, it's just vegetables and fruit

For dinner I had a salad with tomato, spinach, carrot, olive and obviously asparagus. I added olive oil and sesame seeds.
Then I ate fruit and as usual after each meal I drank green tea.

Now I'm on the bike and probably I'll study programming

Current Mood: okay
Crossposts: https://nattalie-m.livejournal.com/148378.html

Today I went to work. My boss, her daugther and sales manager were again on meeting. At some point they called me and made me join them. We worked in a new price list and we talked about other topics. they spoke about the smelly guy and my boss wanted move him back to my office. Then I had to talk about what everybody speak from behind (even sales manager) but no one says to my boss. I said to her they need do something about his smell... she said "ah... I smell it but I was not sure if it was him". She asked if this is because smoke or because lack of hygiene and I had to say to her it is because he doesn't take shower.

I really felt so bad talking about it, and I explained to her I feel ashame to say something to him

, and the only I was able to do is saying to him to do therapy because is lack of hygiene is because depression. But someone needs to talk with him because he meets customers.... I really felt like shit doing that but i hold his smell 9 hours every day for 5 years and it become worse and worse, I can't hold it anymore and this is not fair I have to work in this situation.

Another thing I had to do today is saying to my boss about a coworker who makes deals with the ex seller and ex sales manager who stole us money. I got a proof and it was my obligation to show it to her. When I showed the proof to her, sales manager said that another seller warned him about this situation. She will fire him. The accountant was there, for what they were talking I could understand they were evaluating before how much money cost to fire him, and they already know how much it cost to fire the smelly guy.

I wonder if they thought about fire me too.

Today Michael got his bday gift. I'm happy because he loved it. He says the bag is bigger than he thought and it has plenty of space to carry his laptop and all his stuff. He already moved his stuff from the old bag to the new. The quality is very good and he says it's very comfortable to wear. The bag has a lot of compartiments. The compartment for the laptop is checkpoint friendly and it can hold a 18" laptop. The zippers are very sturdy. In the middle it has divided pocket where you can put a lot of stuff, books, papers, etc. The first compartment has spots for pendrives, memory cards, keys, pencil, etc and outside it has hiden spots where you can hold a water bottle. He is happy with his gift

There is a pic he sent me when he opened the box. He also made videos to show me and he took a pic wearing the bag lol

When he sent me the pic I almost get mad thinking the bag had a bad spot but it was from Michael hands, they were hot.

Current Mood: happy
Crossposts: https://nattalie-m.livejournal.com/147643.html

I'm tired. It's because the training, bad sleeping, staying until late and stress. Despite it I'm happy about my progress with workout. I bough new dumbbells and a thera band. I'm using the band for butt and thigh exercises and also for stretching, pretty cool stuff!

Days at work are a little stressful because my coworker is always complaining and moody. My boss hired a new seller for the area we are and they are looking for sellers for other areas. I'm writing a list with all the tasks I do then next week I'll ask for pay rise. Half of the task I do are from marketing and design which obviously are tasks that do not correspond to my job.

Next week is Michaels birthday so yesterday I made him to choose a gift from Amazon. I was looking for a new backpack for him because I know he use one to bring the laptop to his work but I didn't know what kind of bag he would like so I had to tell him to look with me. I know he feels always uncomfortable if someone want to give something to him but he was thinking about to get a new bag so he did it easy to me.
We got this one https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B004YVE1OC/ref=od_aui_detailpages00?ie=UTF8&psc=1 which I think is pretty nice and it seems good quality. It has lifetime warranty and he will get it on Saturday, 3 days before his bday.

This is not easy for me to talking with him but that book I'm reading, The power of now, is helping me a lot to can deal with our situation.... my situation. I realized doesn't matter if we together or if I fall in love with other man, I won't be happy with anyone if I don't change some things, but I won't write about this now.

Crossposts: https://nattalie-m.livejournal.com/147287.html

To not talk again about all the stress I have at work let's write a little about Michael.

For those who has read all my complaining about him maybe you think he is a lazy and childish ass. Well be are agree that he needs be an adult and face his problems but there is something that makes it harder.
Michael has a health problem called sleep apnea which make him snoring, breath pauses and choking. I controlled him while he sleeps and he literally stop breathing for several seconds, then his body fights hard to get air until he makes choking noises and get some air to his lungs.... and then all the process starts again. This is the way he "sleeps" the whole night and of course he keep waking up because his noises, and he doesn't really rest. This makes him feel tired, irritated, depressed, and during the day he keeps falling asleep everywhere. He also has some extra weight that he wants to lose which doesn't help to his problem.
I have tried to motivate him to do something else after work, but he can't keep a routine, then he feels a failure and get more depressed. Sometimes I lose my patience and I think he makes excuses then I remember how painful is looking at him when he sleeps, so just him really knows how harder is fix this situation, and I should support him instead push him. I try...
He went to the Dr 1 month ago who confirmed his issue. Dr sent him to run a sleep test, but it cost 1000 usd and Mike doesn't want pay for it. There is a mask for breathing he can use to sleep but he needs first do the test. I'm worry because the apnea makes his blood preassure go high.

So far he leaves the pills for anxiety because it makes his apnea worse and today he started doing workout and walking. He tried to do it before then he leaves after the first day.
He also stops wasting his time with games or watching series and it seems he is studying to do the mobile app together.

I write about this because I want to be his support and help him. This is not about MY expectations, this is 100% about him, I need remember this.

Crossposts: http://nattalie-m.livejournal.com/137204.html

Today is my 4th day without feel anxiety and without taking pills!

Face muscles are more relaxed and I feel OK. I had good time this weekend altought I didn't leave home. On Saturday Mike woke me up 10AM. He studied Spanish with Duolingo for more than 3 hours

.
I did my hair, I'm satisfied with my job and I also study English :D

Mike and I tried to play magic cards by videocall. It's uncomfortable and the image isnt good. Anyways it was good to try. After that we talk by phone for a long time, I really enjoyed it.
Mike showed me some draws he did when he was a kid, he was ashame because the draws weren't good but I'm happy he shared it with me. I encouraged him to start drawing again and he will do!!!!

He also wanna help me with my website project and we are agree that for the next vacation we will do more things that he would like doing, like going to amusement parks.
He wants shop shoes, some shoes which are expensive but it doesn't matter because he never get something for him. He wants buy shoes for me also but I'm not sure about it, because he likes some shoes which cost $280 and I feel guilty if he spend so much money on me
They are the shoes, really lovely

We talk all day long until 3AM. It was a great day sharing things with him

Current Mood: relaxed
Crossposts: http://nattalie-m.livejournal.com/129501.html

Guess what?!! yesterday I've bitched to Michael again

I think I overreacted but latelly something is changing inside me. I used to be someone who hold everything on silence. Confronting people was so hard for me that I had panic attack. But now, I can't hold nothing else. I always think before talk but I don't wait months to open my mouth, now I don't wait even a week. And this isn't just with Michael... I see I'm doing the same about work. And even if things don't go as I want, telling to people what I think make me feel less stressed. I try to give my opinion in a respectful way, but now I stop caring if they will get offended with me and run away.

This days I'm helping my boss with some reports. She knows and she said more than once it's my coworker who has to do this reports. Today after work we got the bus together and we were talking about how things are going, and about the last meeting we had. I'm being very honest with her about how I see the situation of the company. And also I've told her I don't trust anymore my fat coworker and I explained my reasons. We both don't know what intentions he have, she doesn't trust him too. She told me she's tired of the attitude of the people who is working for her company, and she's thinking about to do a big restructuration, and she mentioned I'm involved in that changes but didn't give me details, and I won't ask. I'll keep doing my best trying to help to save the company. This is a challange and I love challanges!

Yesterday I was so tired that I fell asleep at 10pm... today I'm exhausted too. I think I'm getting sick, or maybe I'm more stressed than usual

Crossposts: http://nattalie-m.livejournal.com/122804.html

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nattalie

May 2018

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The Unbearable Lightness of Being

Entries tagged with michael

Weekend XL

I'm being spoiled!!!

Vacations

Day off

Today can be a good day!

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Happy Valentine's Day ♥

Pride and Prejudice

The subtle art of not giving a fuck

I am a bitch

Complaints day

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Diet, the side effects

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Michael's birthday

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Nat 1 - Anxiety 0

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May 2018

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