The Unbearable Lightness of Being

I am not sure what time we woke up, maybe at 1 or 2 pm. We had lunch then I went to the swimming pool while Martu stayed in the house. The pool was empty, just few people sunbathing.
I stayed there for 3 hours then I came back to the house. My mother was back. Martu was bored so she asked me if I could take here in the bike to go to the cross and I did. It was not as hard as I thought. I don't know when my legs became so strong but them didn't hurt after that!
I tried to teach Martu how to ride the bike, she made me run holding the bike but she couldn't ride it alone yet. Anyway we had fun.





The partner of mom came for dinner. I've know him for years. I'm polite but I don't like him. Dinner was meat with onions, potatoes and sweet potatoes. We had ice cream for dessert. It was delicious!

I started reading a new book with Michael, The woman in cabin 10. I read 2 chapters then I went to sleep.

This has been a long week, full of tasks, full of meetings. I'm tired, delayed with my and other journals, and I could not write about my week yet. But i need to write how much I loved the book "Pride and Prejudice".

It was so big my interest for this book that I read while walking home today, and when I get home I laid down in the bed and didn't get up until I finished reading reading the book.

I loved Lizzy and the way that she sees, acts and analizes things. Some of her reflections were sad but it would be foolish to deny reality just because we do not like what we see. I loved Darcy too, he was proud and haughty yes, but with noble feelings and humble to admite his wrong things and become better person. I don't like those men who are always flirting to a woman, maybe because my ego doesn't need be fed, and I don't like arrogant men but Darcy knew when change it so him became my ideal man lol. Where is my Darcy??!!

Talking about men, this morning I had a nice surprise. Just after I got work, my phone rang, it was Michael. I was surprised that he decided to call me while he was driving to work. We chat every day but we hardly even talk by phone because It's so hard for me to understand his English and to talk in his language that I feel uncomfortable and I usually stay on silence. But today I could understand 95% of all that he said! I just didn't get when he said "stop stir your coffee!" and it was because until today I didn't know the word "stir". I also could have a fluid conversation with him and I felt very comfortable. We talked for at least 30 minutes, he made my day :)

I had another night of bad dreams. I was walking across a bridge going to somewhere when a guy grabbed my ass, and he didn't want to leave me. Another guy who was with him was walking to me also and I got scared trying to get away. Not sure how I did but they left me alone, maybe because there were more people walking next to us. In some point of the dream I went to a kindergarden. I enter to a room to talk with the teacher, but theplace looked more like a corral. I spoke to the woman and when I was leaving the room I realized that it was flooded and the water covered the children who were sitting... but they were alive. I kept going there and here all the dream, but I barely remember more than that.

Finally my coworker who was on vacations and my boss came back. After get work, I drink a coffee then I went to talk with my coworker update him about his tasks. My boss called me to talk in her office and we spend 1 hour talking about how things were the 2 weeks she was away. I told her it was very stressful for me because I keep doing everybody else's work, and I explained to her all the problems I got. She says she will fire the guy from the depot and she also complained about the 2 administrative employees. I asked for 1 week of vacations in February and she wrote to sales manager and to the guy who shares office with me for they cover me.

I should start calculating commissions but I could not do it today, so busy with quotes. Tomorrow my coworker leaves the office for 2 days because a trip so again I'll be alone trying to do quotes and commissions same time, and I need to finish it before Friday, then try to update price list. I was so busy that I couldn't read journals on my lunch time... I don't even remember when I had lunch today.

In the other hand there was Michael messaging me. Every time that we talk we argue because I am always mad at him. Yesterday he proposed to read a book together, and since I bought Origin but I didn't start reading it yet, he will buy the same book and we will read it. To be honest I dont' care so much about him, I am tired of waiting for he to decide what he wants and shows some interest. I am being rudely honest with him and that piss him off. I'm sorry, not my problem.

He told me I need stop being angry but this is his fault. I told him we are like "The black cat" story by Edgar Allan Poe, when he is the alcohol for me. He said that he is the cat because he is bad luck and I replied that he is the alcohol, making me mad and ruining my life! "That's pretty nice..." he said.... lol

I still was mad so I told him more truths that he always prefer not to talk about and he saids I need stop being angry always... well I'll stop being angry when I move away from you :)

Anyway we will start reading the book today.

My day started in a bad way. I woke up late although the 8 alarms I have set on my phone so I could not have breakfast at home. When I got work, I had latte with cookies. It was 66F and raining, perfect to sleep all day long, oh well... at least it's Friday

I had so many tasks to do but I kept fucking around all day long, I really need vacations, I can't continue working as slave without take days off.
My boss came to my office to talk with me. She wanted to tell me that she was going to send an email where administrative boss and me were the recipients but I should not feel alluded for her words because everything was fine with me. The email was about commissions for sales. My coworker had low salary then he was getting higher commissions than me to compensate it, and in the end earning more money.
Because my boss has not been happy with his work for a long time she decided to pay to him same salary and same commission than me. She wrote that we all will earn the same to make it fair and they will adjuste it according to our performance. I really appreciate that she warned me about the email, otherwise I would get pissed feeling they do not value my effort. I'm earning $350 more than last year so I can't complain about it, my salary is not bad but the company pays so much to people who doesn't do the job.

I went to the bookstore after work. Obviously it was crowded because they giving 50% off so I walked around, I picked the book Origin by Dan Brown and I went to the queue. There were other books that I wanted but it's cheaper if I buy them for Kindle.

To fucking my diet up completely, I had pizza and icecream so I declare this week lost and next weeek I'll eat healthy again. Anyway I did 1 hour bike.

Btw, it was another beautiful sunset today

 If you wanna win 24 paper books +300 value mistery and thriller novels by David Archer go to this link

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I just bought other 4 books from him with discount for $0.99

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01N7M34JT?tag=geolinker-20

I hope I can get discount to get Noah Wolf serie 

I started to watch some adut cartoon on Netflix called Big Mouth. It's about a group of kids going through puberty and all the changes it implies. There is a hormonal monster for the boys and one for the girls. The monster for the boys make them want to jerk off nonstop and to think about sex. The monster of the girls make them be emo, argue with their mothers and cry all the time. The face of that monster looks pretty similar to Rihanna 

Last night I stayed up late reading Code Name Camelot. I enjoy reading that book. The main character is interesting to me since he can't feel any emotion or feeling, all his reaction follow a very logical reasoning without the interference of feelings... in some point I wish I could be like that, I mean I'm very logical too but I can't avoid feelings affect me. 

I had bad sleep and I woke up many times during the night. At 10 am. I gave up trying to sleep and I got up. I cleaned the house and I struggle with the feeling of guilty because yesterday I didn't do all the things I wanted to do so today I'm rushing trying to get all done. 

I did some changes in the catalogue for my client as he asked me to do so that work is done. He already paid me for that and told me he wants to do another new design. I will finish to update the website for my work today because we wants to upload it this week, and I need to start a Google adwords campaign when the website is updated... so, hurry up!

Yesterday I was so tired that when I got home I skipped workout. I was grumpy and tired. ready to go to bed but I had to cook dinner and also lunch for today. In my lethargy I burned food in the oven Anyway I went to bed earlier than usual and I read more of Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde. I really enjoy this book although I can not understand all the sentences. I didn't finish to read it because I fell asleep so I think I'll finish the book today.  I woke up at 6 am because a nightmare I had  


I spoke to Alexis yesterday and I regretted 5 minutes later. It piss me off he can not talk to me without make a "joke" about having sex. And the sexual joke had nothing to do with our conversation  He makes me feel really uncomfortable, this is why I stopped haging out with him. There is other guy I know that I wanted to hang out with him and his friends and I can not because every time he invited me to do something together he let me know he wants some action with me. In this country men are almost like that if they are single, so this is very hard for me to make new friends. I dont mean that I am irresistible, I mean that single men are more interested in and adventure than a friendship.

Very long day. Weather was very hot, 78+ and sunny. I felt very down all day long. I really didn't want to work today, I'm very tired of the people there, the depressing place without natural light and bad smell, tired of all the stress and complaining and mostly tired of the mediocrity of the people I work with. Anyways I did my job. Sales manager keeps adding more task for me  and he still doesn't know how much I am doing.
I don't know how I have energy when I get home to do workout and to study many things. ...

Yesterday I got mad at myself because I could not figure out how to do an exercise of programming. The instructor always explain a new topic then he does some exercise to practise it. So I started to solve the exercises before watch him how he does it. I tried to solve this fucking exercise for 2 days then i gave up and watched the video with the solution... Well, in the video he explained more new things so it was going to be difficult I get it done before watch the video but still piss me off I was not smart enough to figure it by my own 

I feel good about my progress with workout. I can feel the results of my perseverance (and see some of them). My abs are getting strong and I lost 1 cm on my legs and waist. Body starts to look toned. Despite my tiredness I am doing workout 3 at week and stationary biking every day.


The free  2 hours delivery or even 2 days doesn't work for me, all I buy I have to send to Michael's address then wait until fly to USA to get it so it doesn't matter how many days it takes to get the order. The free ebooks are not good titles and I can also download better free books on internet. 
The free music? well I listen music just time to time so it is meh for me. Audiobooks... I wanted that but it is not free, that service cost 15 usd monthly and they give you 1 credit every month... and probably the elegible tittles will suck like books titles so I won't pay for that service and prolly I won't keep the Prime service as well. So it seems that the only good reason to pay for the services is to get fast delivery if you live in USA.

Ok I feel I'm losing my mind, literally. I feel my mind took all the control and power over me and it's going to ruin me if I don't do something about. I look at myself in the mirror and I can see someone getting insane, really. I can see it on my eyes. Since few days I also stop breathing!!! it freak me out.

My mind became overactive, I couldn't stop it and I was sure it was maybe good. Let's make my mind more powerful! I thought it was something smart to do, so today I was reading the news and I saw an article about a book to learn how to control the mind.
"Mental GPS 2.0" by Celia Antonini. I tried to get the electronic book but I couldn't find it, so I evaluated to buy it. I did a research for see the review about the book, then I found another book wich seems good.
"The power of now" by Russell Dicaro. You can get this book on pdf for free. Happy about that because in the bookshop it's expensive. I started to read it and I realized that I became my mind. And I believe that my mind and thougths is the most important thing I have, I try to protect it all the time, and I feel without it I'm nothing. I'm very afraid to lose my thoughts!
I didn't end to read the first chapter and so far this book shows me how lost I'm but also give me some tips to stop thinking, something that I could never do. I wanted to try it asap, so I took a shower and I put focus in that... the sound of the water, my breaths, the warm on my skin, my body, my hair.. I didn't let my mind flight, I put all my attention on my 5 senses so my mind was quiet... finally the silence!!!! The muscles of my faces got relaxed instantly So fast I left the shower and my mind started working again I could feel all the tension on my face again

The predominance of mind is no more than a stage in the evolution of consciousness. We need to go on to the next stage now as a matter of urgency; otherwise, we will be destroyed by the mind, which has grown into a monster
( Some quotes after cut... )



I will save on my journal the paragraphs I want to keep on mind but if you want to read this book, you can download it on English from here https://brahmstalks.files.wordpress.com/2016/05/the-power-of-now.pdf

I didn't play this video game but I would like playing it.
The story is very interesting but sometimes the details are very poor or are described very briedly.  In fact, it is a short book.
Anyway, this story is easy to read and probably I will read the other books of this saga since I can get the eBook very cheap in Google Store (less than 4 USD)
3 of 5 starts for me